Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I am not an idiot, am I????/

First ,let me say I am not an idiot, not a Mensa either, but certainly not a complete idiot. (Even though I might act like one sometimes.)
Well I certainly felt like one tonight. This will go down there with one of the more idiotic things I‘ve done in my life. Some of which you will hear about in this post.
As you all know, in the beginning of June I purchased a new laptop computer to replace the one that was stolen from me when my house was burglarized. I was excited and couldn't wait to return to writing blog posts on Saturday afternoons on my couch.
My excitement was short-lived.
I couldn’t get the Internet to work after about a week.
It kept telling me it couldn’t find a network, even when I went to one of those wifi places. When I went to one of them, I met a really nice man who even looked up my computers operating manual on his computer and helped me for over an hour. He must have been really desperate; he then asked me out and gave me his card in case I changed my mind. Even if he was a little “Off”, he seemed to know what he was doing on the computer.
Anyway, I decided to take it back. It was then I encountered my first problem, I lost my receipt.
I know, I know, I should have a file for large purchases, I do…… but can’t find it. It’s in that all encompassing “Important Papers File”. Which I can never find. It’s in there with my kids birth certificates, all 10 of them. I keep having to pay to get new ones printed because, you guessed it, can’t find file when I need it.
I first took it back to Office Depot and asked them to look at it. They informed me my Internet card was bad and when I find my receipt, bring it back and they will replace the whole computer.
I called some 800 number and talked to requisite Indian on duty. Dajit told me they would e-mail me receipt in 4-5 working days.
Fast forward 1.5 weeks. Still no receipt.
Call Dajit Back. Strangely they tell me they have never talked to me. They have no record whatsoever of my call. I give them the info again. This time it takes 25 minutes. I am getting a little annoyed. Another 1.5 weeks, no e-mail.
Call Dajit back, you guessed it, no record of my call.
I am pissed.
Long story short, after a few more long calls, and 7 weeks, I finally get a manager at Office Depot that tells me to just bring the computer to him by 9:00 tonight and he will just give me a new computer.
I go to Office Depot tonight with computer in hand. I see John the manager, he tells me to go see Brad and he will help me.
When I see Brad, I immediately wish I was 22. What a cutie. He informs me he knows my whole problem and plugs in my computer just to check it. I just stare, He’s probably thinking, “Oh great, just what I need, another crazy old lady telling me about her beautiful daughter or niece.”
Then he tries to get into the Internet. He gets right on. He tells me there really isn’t a problem. I ask him what he did.
You know what he did????HE TURNED IT ON……..
Oh my God, I am thinking, I really can’t be this stupid.
But I am. That’s all that was the matter. IT WASN”T TURNED ON.
We laughed and laughed, I told him to promise not to tell anyone. He assures me he won’t. I pleaded, “Please, I said, don’t talk about me in your break room”
We both walk out of the door. His coworker was standing by the door. I was opening my car door when I saw his co-worker double over. I ran back over and laughingly told him he promised not to laugh at me and he didn’t even wait until I got in my car. He could have at least waited until I pulled out for God’s sake.
Geeze, If I was only 22. I remember always wondering why the smartest, cutest guys always fell for the dumbest girls. (I figured it out)
I could have batted my eyes. Sached around. We might have gotten married.
If Only…….
Know what’s really funny. At work I am considered the computer expert. Whenever there is a problem, they come to me to figure it out. I guess I fooled them. Hopefully they don’t read this blog……
This got me thinking about other really, really dumb things I have done in life. Thought you all might enjoy hearing about a few. Why not, I already made an ass out of myself.
• One time my dryer was making a very large clinking noise, I stopped using it and hung clothes to dry because we couldn’t afford to buy another one. A year later, we were moving and I asked the movers to carry the dryer out to the curb for the garbage. Three quarters fell out the back of the dryer. Turns out there was nothing wrong with the dryer, only some quarters that fell out of someone’s pocket.
• My mother made the mistake of never letting us help in the kitchen. We weren’t allowed to even turn a burner on. Having said that, when my oven wouldn’t work right after getting married, I just used crock pots and electric frying pans to cook for about 6 months before someone mentioned the pilot light in the oven might need to be lit. It did. And worked just fine for fifteen or so years.
Is anyone seeing a pattern here?
• I hitched-hiked with Larry Law on a regular basis back and forth to Philly to see Ski during college. He convinced me we didn’t need more than one change of clothes; clothes took up too much precious room in our duffel bag. We needed all the extra room for beer. All of you who know Larry, know how stupid we were.
• This story is too long for this, but certainly deserves a mention. One time I was in a wedding and my best friend picked up my date. (A pattern that seems to have followed me most of my life)
Having no ride home, I flagged down a police van and rode to my parent's home in the back of a paddy wagon. Informing them through the little window that the drunken girl with no shoes, still in my bridesmaid’s gown, flowers still in hand, worked for the FBI. They asked me what I did for the FBI and me being as stupid as I was, told them the truth. At the time I worked in the Civil Rights Division prosecuting Police Officers. Not something you want to tell the police driving you home at five in the morning.
I could go on and on, but you guys get the gist of it. This is only a small sampling, most of the really, really dumb things I have done im my life isn’t fit for printing.
I am back from vacation up the lake. There is a funny story to go with that for next week’s blog. This week’s is long enough. Don’t want to bore you guys too much.

I was talking with Broz and telling him how much I misses his Mojita's. He said maybe one of these weeks he will make Mojita's for AMG at Mardi Gras. I'll remind him and see what Thursday works for him.
How about Cappy's this Thursday.


Monday, July 16, 2007

I swear on my mother's grave the following is a true story. The names won't even be changed to protect the innocent......
I had the tables turned on me this past Thursday.
Being the lazy ass that I am, I decided on Thursday to go to a beauty shop and get my hair washed and blown dry. It's getting long and I just didn't feel like doing it. I know, I know, the height of laziness. Or I was thinking, maybe it's time for me to turn into one of those old ladies who goes to the hairdresser once a week. (like my mother, God rest her soul, or anyone else of her generation for that matter)
Anyway, I usually get my haircut at Jeffrey's in Lawrenceville and he is a little on the pricey side, so I thought I'll just go to one of those cheap places, after all, they are just washing and drying my hair.
So I walk into Supercuts on Highland Ave. My son had been there earlier in the day and his hair looked alright.
This young boy washed my hair. As he was blowdrying it, he was using a COMB. Yes, a comb. I am thinking, why is he using a comb?
But I let him go. He gets half way through drying my hair and I look like some crazy person (keep comments to oneself, thank you)
Then he proceeds to start spiking my hair with some spray shit.
Now, you all know me, I am a fat, 50 year old conservative dressing white lady , why would I want some hoochie momma hairdo.
So I stop him and say, "You know, this just isn't how I wear my hair, and not what I wanted"
He says"You need products in your hair, everyone needs products"
I say, I don't want crap in my hair. (Just in case anyone wanted to run their fingers through it, yeah, right)
He then throws the COMB down. Just then another stylist comes over and ask's what the problem is. He starts yelling. Yes, yelling.
By then he is telling her to ask me what MY problem is.
Then he gets in my face and asks ME what my problem is.
Yes, I have lots of problems, but this wasn't one of them. Not by a long shot.
He keeps it up.
I am not one to get intimidated easily. Only one person on this earth turns me into a sissy-la-la, and it wasn't him.
Finally, I turn to the other stylists and say "You better get him away from me"
He keeps it up and keeps it up.
Finally, the other stylists had to throw him out of the salon.
As she finished my hair,(Which, by the way, she did a great job) he was outside pacing back and forth.
I was a little afraid to leave the building. Can you believe it?
Me, afraid.
She assured me I would be fine.
I left with the manager and owners phone numbers.
The manager called me back the next day and in the understatment of the century called him unprofessional.
How about criminal lady.
She said it would not be taken lightly and she would let me know what happens.
I have yet to hear from her.
I just wonder, what the problem was? I was paying him to dry my hair as I wanted it done. He was not paying me to be there.
That's a whole other subject. Young people in the service industry. They just don't get that people pay them for services and if they don't get customers, the place usually closes and they no longer have a job.
This incident really spooked me. I don't think I conveyed what a nut this guy was.
The whole beauty shop thing got me thinking about my mother. I could have been lying in Zalewski's Funeral Home and she still would not have missed her Friday 10:00 am hair appointment at Ruth and Fran's on Butler Street.
Half of it was worring that someone would see her with her hair "A Mess". The other half of it would be that she missed out on the gossip of the week.
She would come home with all sorts of info that "They" said down the beauty shop. I never did find out who "They" were. But "They" knew all. She would have had a field day telling them about how I was treated last week at the "Beauty Parlor"
I am sure "They" never would have treated a customer like that!!!

Not to change the subject, but wait till you hear this:
We now have a southern chapter of AMG.
My friend Ruth, who was in town for last week's AMG has started a southern chapter. They even have a blog n'aht.
Here is the link if you guys want to check it out.

Hmm, where to go this week? Any ideas?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Nothing to Bitch about? How can that be?

I don't have anything to bitch about this week. Can you believe it?
Sorry to disappoint you all, but I am going to change the pace a little this week and talk about what a great weekend I had. At least that's where I'll start. As I've said before, I never know how these blog posts will end up. I'm sure I will find some complaint, somewhere in my weekend.
Went up to the Lake for the fourth. Was pretty uneventful, but relaxing. Watched movies and laid on beach for a few days. OK, sorry, I didn't even get through 8 sentences before finding something to bitch about. My father, God love him, is 83. He is hard of hearing and says he can't hear because everyone mumbles. I spent 4 whole days with him and had to repeat everything at least three times. That is exhausting. He also follows me around the house asking me what I am doing and why. If I want to take out the trash for him, he asks why, why am I doing it at that moment, he usually takes it out in the morning, why don't I wait till morning. If I do it anyway, he repeats over and over that if it were him, he would have waited until morning.
Then there is the ketchup story. I bought a big bottle of ketchup among other things. It was $1.33. He yelled at me because he hates big bottles of ketchup. He complained for three days. I finally lost my temper and told him to just throw the stupid bottle of ketchup away and buy a little bottle (which, by the way was the same price.)
I could go on and on, but you get the point. Needless to say, I was happy to be back on Alder Street.
Oh well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess.
Back to the fun part of my weekend.
My niece, Elisabeth was in town for the weekend. She is now living in Washington DC and is moving to Chicago in three weeks.
She is the only granddaughter so we call her "Queen Elisabeth I"
What a great kid. She is 24 and since she has been a baby,we have a ball together.
We went to Sandcastle on Sunday.
Then went to the drive-in on Sunday night. What a blast.
She had never been to one, and I haven't been to one in about 25 years. We had so much fun. The place was packed. The only thing missing was the dancing hotdogs at intermission. But the man on the loud speaker seemed to have the same voice that is embedded in my memory. Could he still be working at age 105?
She had to be at the airport at 5:30 am on Monday morning, so instead to me getting up at 4:00 to drive her (That would have certainly given me something to bitch about), we got a room at the Hyatt right in the airport. She got up and could walk to her gate, and I could sleep and pretend I was on vacation.
Speaking of vacation. I am off work this week. Well, supposed to be anyhow. I am here now checking a few things. I wish I were on some exotic beach or something. (another thing to bitch about)
But I guess I can't complain, I work a total of 7 days in all of July.I know, tough life, but someones got to live it.....
Tomorrow we will be going to Hambones for Anger Management. Lizzy will be the bartender.
See you all around 8.
Maybe we can talk about planning an anger management fieldtrip to the drive-in. We will have fun, I promise.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Who Watches Toast Toast???????

I've come to this conclusion folks: I'm just not going to get up before noon anymore. That's it.
No more.
So let me explain.
Friday night I baby-sat my cousin's daughter. It was fun. First because she's a littl girl and I have lived with all boys for the good part of 25 years. Second, she's great company. We did girlie things. Talked girlie talk. Not that I'm a girlie girl or anything, but once in a while, it's fun to hang out and do girlie things. She wsas actually excited to take Smokie out for a walk with me. When I mention doing this with my boys, they run from me.
So,anyway. I went to bed really early Friday .
Got up pretty early (for me anyway) on Saturday.
Headed out to run errands.
We all know what happened last time I tried this. I really should know better.
First stop Breugger's on S. Aiken.
Hmmmm I thought, why is there a line out the door?
Finally see a counter.
The two people in line have been up there an awfully long time.
What could they possibly be ordering?
Then I see it.
"This can't be" I tell myself in my Irish Whisper.
Then I see it again.
The girl sashay's over to the toaster with one bagel at a time and WATCHES IT TOAST.
Sashay's back again WITH ONE BAGEL!!!
Again and again.
By this time I am seething.
I start the buzz.
I say to the person in front of me "Can you believe she is WATCHING TOAST TOAST?"
The buzz get louder and louder.
The woman two people behind me also starts complaining saying things like"Yeah, and it doesn't get any better when you get up to twinkle toes on the register"
By this time everyone is in an uproar.
(Sort of like Attica only different)
Miss sashay is still clueless, still never breaking a sweat, watching the toast toast.
By the time I get up to twinkle toes, I am livid.
I proceed to tell him about Miss Sashay.
He, in the understatement of the day tells me there is a line because they are shorthanded.
Give me a break.
No, No, No Mr Twinkle toes, you are not shorthanded, you just need to hire someone who can put more than one bagel in the toaster at a time.
I swear, if she were my employee, I would have personally through her out the front door.
I just can't get over it, a line out the door and this bimbo was watching TOAST TOAST.
Oh Well.
After leaving there, I went home and just went back to sleep. Vowing to never get up before noon again.
So kids, my Friday nights had better start getting more exciting so I can sleep through the times and days that I am most angry.
Which causes me to believe I am seeing a pattern here.

Not to change the subject, but I am going up to the lake until Saturday so I will not be attending Anger Management on Thursday.
Again, if one of you want to take over for this week feel free.
But I will be floating on Conneaut Lake on my boat,
Worlds away from Miss Sashay.

See you all next week.

I apologize for grammar mistakes and mispellings. I am typing on the fly and don't have time to reread.
Happy Fourth of July.
Every year I watch A Capitol Fourth on PBS and say I am going to Washington next year.
Again I do not make it.
Oh well, Maybe next year. I love watching it on tv.

Afterthought: Did anyone find out why sashaying has such a negative conotation?