Monday, March 26, 2007

Random thoughts on last week's Anger Management:

Mrs. Depp is all in a tizzy (Is that a real word?). She fractured her left hand. She's worried sick about what to do if Johnny calls her for a left handed-hand-job. What 's a girl to do?
I told her I didn't think she needed to worry. Someone will step up to the plate.Us Anger Management girls stick together, that's for sure. I'm sure she will have no problem getting someone to sit in or on(oh, I wish I could think of a better pun to insert here) for her if she does not have full use of her hand soon.
That will get her moving to Physical Therapy........
Other things:
Mel-Cum is looking for someone to go camping with. Any takers? Unless, of course, you're name is "The Mayor", I, for some reason, was not invited.
Hmmmmm, not to worry, Mel-Cum,if it doesn't say Waldorf Astoria on the towels, I am so not there.
Ohio State is in the Final Four, that should make Dr. Lolita's trips to Ohio a little more enjoyable.
I MISS MY COMPUTER......Sorry I don't have time to write more entertaining posts lately, I have to do this on the work computer since my home machine was stolen. Work is not conducive to my creative thinking
I miss my Saturday afternoons watching TV while scanning the web and writing blog posts for AMG. Creeps, thank God I have my guard dog, Smokey, who Jimmy Brose, by the way, thinks was a plant, and I tend to agree with him. Smokey, the Trojan Dog.
He makes me feel so safe. Not.
How about we go to Cappy's this week. I haven't heard weather reports yet, but if it's nice, we can sit outside. If not, we will be inside. Duh.......
Have a nice week girls.
I will be having a huge party soon. It will be the social event of the spring,and you will all be invited, all of you, that is, except for Mel-Cum.

Friday, March 16, 2007

A brief history of sagging(And we don't mean pants)


Required reading for the new "Mardi Bra".......

Definitely more on this later........just wanted to get the creative juices flowing.

Too funny. My head is just spinning with ideas. Those who missed it, missed a great time. The Mayor and Dr. Lolita gave Through the Tubes, Kaya and Pussy Kats something to dream about.........
If we didn't gross them out too much.The pics below will keep it fresh in their minds..... Remember burgeoning ones, you too will be 50 some day, as will your "Girls". Just something to ponder.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Sorry to be boring, yawn

Having been chastised for lack of creativity on the previous post. I'm promising a better job this week. No more cutting and pasting for me. What was I thinking? Sorry girls.
So here goes:

OK, here goes.....................................

alrighty then, here we go...... .......................

Um, sorry girls, not feeling very creative today.
Nothing happened this week to inspire me.
I guess I could update on some previous posts.
Maybe that's what I'll do.
So, first there's the update on Smokey.
We were out walking the other day and a jogger was running right towards us. Smokey BIT HIM. Really just grabbed his shorts. I think he thought the jogger was running to me. The little shit better watch himself, one more stunt like that and he'll end up back in the "Big House". Luckily the man was really nice about it and said Smokey was just protecting me.Now
If I could just find a man as devoted to me as Smokey, I'll be alright.
He also took a liking to the curtains on my front door. Everytime I leave him alone, somehow, when I return, the certains are off the door so he can see out.
My mom is probably rolling in her grave right now. I still can hear her say"always make sure you're curtains and front door are clean. You can always tell how a person lives by the curtains on their window." Yes, she was serious, as the Madonna can attest to. She used to take a greyhound bus to DC to make sure her curtains were washed. I kid you not. I could write pages.
Anyhow, other than the biting thing, Old Smokey is doing just fine. It does warm the heart to pull up in front of the house and see him waiting for me in the window (Sorry mom).
On to other things:
St Patrick's day is less than a week away. Anyone who knows me, knows this is my favorite day of the year. The anniversary of my husband's death is also this week. Anyone who knew him, knows he picked the day to piss me off one last time,
Fait accompli
Look for Pussy Katz and me in the parade.
I just thought of an idea, Ms. Tiny Tumor and Mr. Tiny Tumor suggested I have a reference chart on who is who. Good idea. Next post I will chart who everyone is and how they came upon Anger Management, along with how we got started.
Coming Attractions:
ANGER MANAGEMENT, THE BEGINNINGS. (Or should we just continue to let Mr. B think it was all about him?)
Where to go this week???????Don't know yet. Anyone have ideas?
UPDATE: How about Silkey's on Liberty Avenue for this week's Anger Management? You guys know the drill, be there around 8:00.
SMOKEY UPDATE: Suffice to say Smokey does not have a future as a guard dog. My house was robbed yesterday around noon. Smokey welcomed them in with open paws........Seriously, why me???????????????

Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Joy of Libations

The Value of a Drink
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drinkI feel shame. Then I look into the glass and thinkabout the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopesand dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be outof work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let theirdreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hellhappened to your bra and panties.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they'regoing to feel all day. "~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's allget drunk and go to heaven!"~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in thehistory of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that thewheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel doesnot go nearly as well with pizza."~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not

Monday, March 05, 2007

Smokey: Weekend #1--Update

Some things I found out about Smokey thus far:

  1. 1. He likes blonde's. Especially one named Foxy. (Who acts a little like her owner (Mrs. Depp). Whore. (At least Zooty behaved.)
  2. I haven't left him alone for more than 30 minutes since I picked him up. Something is telling me we are going to have separation issues. When I returned home after taking Devin to work, the curtain on my door was off.
  3. Given my track record, he is by far the best thing I've ever picked up in a bar. He only has one personality so far, but again, the separation issue comes up. But I can handle two. (better than the nine personalities of my previous bar pick up, speaking of Zooty's.)

How about we meet at the old stand-by, The Elbow Room, this Thursday.

Come see what cell phone plan Through the Tubes has this week. (Payback for last weeks comment missy!!!!!)

See you all around 8:00.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Two Old Dogs.

Welcome to another episode of "What was I thinking." (Insert Music here)
In this episode Through the Tubes has the "Great" idea to attend a fundraiser at the Harp and Fiddle for Animal Friends.(See previous post). She promises a good time, and Francine is thinking, gee, this could be a great way to start the season off.
Irish Bar, Irish Band, Cute picture of Irish Wolfhound on brochure.
So I notify all of the Anger Management Girls and everyone agrees, this will be fun event for our Thursday night out.
Of course, we wiggle our way into a corner and take it over (like anyone would really challenge us!)
So far so good.
We have seats, a place to put down our drinks and coats, and the music isn't so loud that we have to scream over it. The place was packed, but we managed to find a space of our own.
Except for Mrs. Arsenal, who couln't find parking, gave up and went home????
Then (imagine in slow motion now), after quite a few cheap pinks, I look across the bar and there it is. A Big old black lab lying on the floor sound asleep.
Did not give a shit who the hell was there. If you wanted to pet him, fine, but he really didn't care.
Slowly I walk over. Wake up the beast, one look. That's all it took.
One look.
I actually put down my wine (imagine that) Went to pet him and right in the middle of the bar he rolled over on his back for me to rub his stomach.
I don't even have to continue. This story is like the soaps, you only have to watch 5 minutes a week to figure out what happened.
So here I sit, Friday night.
Not wanting to leave MY NEW DOG SMOKEY. (Pictured above)
I brought him home and he plopped himself down in front of the fire place and I on the couch. We both knew we weren't going anywhere anytime soon.
I feel set up.
Did I really think I could go to a fundraiser for an animal shelter and not come home with a dog?
Come on girls, why didn't someone stop me. (AGAIN)
So there you have it.
I am the proud owner of a new "old dog" named Smokey.
I can't wait till the weather gets nice and we can sit on the porch and watch people walk their dogs. (He's lazy, like me)
Once I heard his story, I was really in hook, line and sinker.
He is 9 years old and his family lost their home in forclosure. They had to move into an apartment and they couldn't bring the dog.
The poor thing in probably thinking "Where did everybody go?"
So short of me giving these people money to get their house back. I am going to take great care of their dog.
I guess I better get the weeks worth of newspapers off the other side of my bed so Smokey will have room to sleep with me.
And you know what's great? Two things.
1. We are two old dogs who found each other. And neither of us wants to learn new tricks.
2. My house is finally feeling like a "Home"again.

Mrs. Depp and Mel-Cum, eat you're heart out (just joking) Have you guys started looking west of the Mississippi yet? I think you looked at every dog in the east.

Where to go next week? I don't know yet, can we please just go somewhere where I don't have to bring something home?????????????