Monday, March 30, 2009

Eileen The Dentist?

Why couldn't I be Joe the Plumber? Huh? Why?
Come on people. I went to see Obama when he came to Pittsburgh. Why couldn't it have been me walking up to him. Asking him "the question"
I can see it now.

Me: I am a Dentist. I'm getting ready to buy a practice that makes 250 to 280 thousand dollars a year. Your new tax plan's going to tax me more, isn't it?

And then
: After contacting everyone I have ever known in life. The media find out that "Eileen the Dentist" is not actually a Dentist after all. Sure, I gives dental advice at the Gras after a few. But really, I just work at a Dentist office. Plus, I couldn't even qualify to get enough credit to buy a half gallon of milk for cryin' out loud.

No matter. Eileen the Dentist turns up everywhere. The stupid Republicans make me their poster child. I even go back to being a Republican. I'm not proud. I can be bought.

Hell, it turns into a pretty good gig. They pay my way to go anywhere I want. They don't even care that not only am I not a Dentist, I'm not real smart. If I was smart, duh, I'd be a Dentist!

Now, tell me. Why couldn't that have been me?

Why this rant now after all this time? I was watching the news tonight and the big story was "Joe the Plumber" from Bumfuck, Ohio is in Pittsburgh.

WHO CARES!!!!! GO AWAY!!!! I can't believe people PAY to hear this whack-job. (Even if they are dumb-ass Republicans)

Pay me. I'm much more interesting. Some even tell me I'm funny. I'll even bring my plumber "friend."

Plus I need milk.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

March Sadness

Sigh......I just want to give DeJuan Blair and Levance Fields a big old hug!

You could have heard a pin drop in my neighborhood last night.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Would This Be Considered A Mortal Or Venial Sin?

Let me just start by saying I'm a Catholic. You would never know it by the language I use here sometimes. But really, I am. Come on, don't you all remember that I used to dress up like a nun and play mass in my back yard? 18 Years of Catholic schools. Grade School, High School, Under Grad, Grad. All Catholic. All Mercy Nuns. (Judi, can I borrow your crown?)

One of the best moments in my life was being on the alter with the Pope in Rome, holding my mother's rosaries. I could have seen the "real" Pope (as Ski refers to him)in 1979, but left DC to go to Erie because I didn't want to fight the crowds. Whole other story.

So I'm not a catholic brasher here. Or a priest brasher for that matter. This is not about that.

A few weeks back I read an article in the Post Gazette about the Bishops Mansion being for sale. Now, I know this house. My uncle was Cardinal Wright's personal secretary in the early
60's. Some of my cousins were baptized there. We used to run around and play there as kids.

But as soon as I started the article, I got more than a little peeved. Did anyone else?

The first line says "After a decade of working with Cardinal John Wright in Vatican City, Bishop Donald Wuerl developed an appreciation for fine art, Oriental Rugs and antiques." It goes on to say that the 2.5. Million price tag on the house reflects those tastes.

I should have quit reading right then and there.

All I have to say is thank you Bishop Wuerl for closing my church during your time here as Bishop of the Catholic Diocese of Pittsburgh. Gathering a pile of rugs, fine arts and antiques were apparently more important to you than keeping open a 150 year old historical landmark church. You are right where you belong. You will fit right in with all the others in Washington D.C.

God bless Bishop Zubik At least he walks the walk.

One more thing, a friend works in real estate and showed the house. She wondered, as did I, why would a Bishop need a wet bar in the bedroom with two easy chairs?
Just askin'.

And don't even get me started about the Pope's comments that condoms will not stop the spread of AIDS in Africa. Uh yeah, right.

Oh well, I better get started on those Corporal Act Of Mercy before it's too late!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Some People Have A Good UNDER STANDING!

This is for my friend Judi over at Stories From The Road. Saw this sign on Liberty Ave in Bloomfield and immediately thought of her. Gee, I wonder why?
It should say "Shoes since 1959." I don't think the picture shoes how big the sign is. It's the whole side of a building.

Speaking of feat (of a different kind). How about those Panthers? Man have they been lucky so far! The A team better show up soon.
Was reading an article on DeJuan Blair. To put in perspective how good he actually is, he is a REAL sophomore. (no prep schools before college like alot of others) He is still only 19 for cryin' our loud. Plus, he made All American as a real sophomore.
The part I like the best. He choose to live at home. He is from Pittsburgh. Went to Schenley High School.(A few short blocks from Pitt)Did not want to live in dorms.
You always hear about the bad jocks. He seems like one of the good guys.

Get the title? A good understanding. Get it. Feet. Standing.
Yet another Harrietism. When I used to complain about having big feet. She used to tell me "thats ok honey. You just have a good UNDER STANDING!Just like your mother."

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Kiss My Fat Irish Ass

Ann Coulter, Laura Ingram, John McCain, et al. KISS MY FAT ASS. And I'm not talking about a size 8 ass here people. I'm talking about a size 18 Ass(OK 20 on a bad day).

Ya know,the first two, I can just shrug my shoulder and say par for the course. BUT
I just can't believe John McCain didn't stick up for his daughter Meghan. If someone said something about my kids......I would shove that microphone where the sun don't shine.

This pissed me off and I don't even like the bitch.
I just think she has bad taste in clothes. She wears things that don't flatter her. But hey, what she wears is her business.

Geeze, we should all be so unlucky to have that size 8 fat ass!

Megan should tell the skinny bitch Laura what my mother always told me:

The closer to the bone,
The sweeter the meat.
But who in the hell wants Sugar Diabetes!

Monday, March 16, 2009

If You're Lucky Enough To Be Irish....You're Lucky Enough!

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.

Miss Smiling Irish Eyes 2009. (Ruth, too bad, this could have been you circa 1969, if it weren't for that damn Patty Burns!)
Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Oh Danny Boy

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come you back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

Dan D'Amico, the self proclaimed "Prince of Ireland".
06/14/53 - 03/14/03

Happy St. Patrick's Day
*For those of you who are a little confused, Dan was born Daniel Sweeney. He was adopted by a wonderful Italian man named John D'Amico who raised him no differently than his other five children. So I have 100% Irish kids with the last name of D'Amico. Funny huh?

Monday, March 09, 2009

Happy Birthday To A Couple Of Real Queens.

March 9.
I couldn't let today pass without mention. It's just too important.
Today is the Birthday of two of my best friends.
I bet your thinking, what a coincidence. My closest friends having the same birthday.
Truth be told, I didn't even know they had the same birthdays.
Of course, I knew it was Erin's birthday.
Happy Birthday Erin.

I just found out that today was also my BFF Barbie's Big 50 . Yes, Barbie was one of my very best friends for the first 12 years or so of my life. Actually, she was my BFF way longer than she should have. I remember playing Barbies on my grandmothers porch one afternoon when some kids from my class walked by. I hid behind my black patent leather case. (You know the one). That's how you played with Barbies. With the case serving as two of the walls of her bedroom. I had a black case,The Madonna had a blue case. Ginny Ann, of course, had a pink case.(She always had the best stuff!)
Anyway, I hid behind the case until they walked past the house. When most girls were talking about kissing boys, me? I was just making Barbie kiss Ken. Pretty pathetic huh? Well, in hindsight, I guess it served me well. We actually had quite a few girls end up pregnant in school.

I was obsessed with my Barbies. Me and my verybestfriend in grade school, Maryann Usselman played for hours and hours.
Maryann was the epitome of who I wanted to be. She was an only child. So of course she had all the best toys. PLUS, they weren't even hand-me-downs. She was the richest girl on our block. One of her homes three bedrooms was a playroom. Can you stand it??? She even had a leather(vinyl) child-sized recliner. Now THAT is rich. At least by 42nd street standards.
She had pink cattail eyeglasses. (me, I had brown plastic frames held together with masking tape. (Is it any wonder I played with Barbie into my 20's!)
She also had an aluminum Christmas tree that rotated and had red and green spotlights shining on it.
It was during Christmas vacations that I remember running down to her house with my new Barbie stuff. Naturally, hers were better. But we put our stuff together and played for hours and hours, and days and days.
It was a good deal for me because I got to play with good Barbie stuff. More than I could ever imagine getting for Christmas.
You know, I remember every detail of getting a new Barbie outfit. Right down to the accessories and pink boxes.
One especially great year she got Barbies Dream House. Oh yes she did. I can remember every single thing about that dream house. Including the cardboard picture of Ken that went on the console color TV. I remember helping her and her father put the furniture together. I do. I was so excited I couldn't stand it. (Even if it wasn't mine,hey Maryann was sharing here folks)
That year I got furniture that was orange plastic. It wasn't a dreamhouse, but hey, with a little imagination it served its purpose. I'm sure mom had it on Lay-a-Way at Zayres for months.
When Maryann Usselman was at her Aunt's house, I would play by myself and make rooms out my sisters album covers. So what if Temptations were all over the walls. I was still in Barbie heaven.

EXCEPT when I went to my Nana's. Can you believe Ginny Ann and the Madonna would not let me play with them???? I know. I know. Like, they could have been nicer, ya know? They knew how much Barbie meant to me. But no, when I went to play with them, they had their stuff all set up in the living room. They had wicker place mats as their walls instead of the Temptation Album covers. I walk in with all my stuff. I have my Barbie case with me. I have my cute little dress on and you know what they say to me when I go to set up beside them? Eileen, this is where our Barbies live. Yours live over there. I get up and look. Over there was BEHIND THE COUCH.
Those bitches would not let me play Barbies with them.
I don't even think it was because I made Ken a hippie with permanent black magic marker.
Is it any wonder I turned out like I did? They're just lucky I don't hold a grudge or anything. Just wait till they need someone to play with!!
Hey, that's alright, none of THEIR friends had the Dream House!

For more great Barbie reading check out my friend Judi over at Stories From The Road.
She is hilarious.

Just one more Barbie thing.
No, not an explanation of why I colored Ken's head and face with permanent marker.
And I'm not even going to get into the story about the time I sold some of my Barbie stuff at a flea market while in college for beer money. INCLUDING her orange sports car. sniff, sniff.

About 17 years ago, Hallmark came out with Barbie Keepsake Ornaments. My husband used to buy the latest one for me every year for our wedding anniversary. Each year when I got my new ornament, memories would flood back about that particular outfit. I loved them.

After Dan died, I made the mistake of going to Hallmark on my anniversary to buy one for myself. I walked in, picked up my ornament, walked over to the cashier to pay, and burst out crying. I'm talking about uncontrollable crying. Sobbing. The poor little cashier. She just shoved the thing in a bag to get me out of there. I went back to work and talked to Erin about what a nut they must of thought I was.
So the following year, my friend Erin, the other birthday girl, bought me my Barbie ornament. And has every year since. (Last year, my 50th Birthday and the year I went to Italy, the ornament was Roman Barbie)
Now I have so many Barbie ornaments that I put up a "Tacky Barbie Christmas Tree" I swear I do. And I put my original Barbie, Ken, Skipper, and Midge underneath the tree.

Isn't it funny that Erin and Barbie share a birthday? I should have know all along. They have so much in common. Neither owns a pair of sensible shoes!
Happy Birthday Girlfriends! Neither of you look a day over 22.
Those born under the Pisces sign: Accessories are in their future!

Sunday, March 08, 2009


I was tagged to write 25 random things about myself so after a few White Russians last night. Here goes. More information than you ever cared to know about me.
1. I am a former Republican. What was THAT all about????
2. I hated my old life being a housewife.
3. I loved my old life being a housewife.
4. I miss my old life being a housewife.
5. I say Hail Mary's over and over to get to sleep every night. It doesn't seem to help, but it keeps me from obsessing about things I did or didn't get done each day.
6. I hate, hate cats and am actually petrified of them.
7. I love basketball.
8. I learned to drive about 4 years ago and have driven approx 40,000 a year since.I love it and can't believe I waited all this time to drive.
9. It seems like every man I kissed on the lips dies. From my husband to a boyfriend in college. At this rate, there won't be anyone left to "tell the tale".
10. I love the fact that my mother influenced every aspect of my life. When I miss her, I just go see her sister. Just like when I was young. If mom wasn't home, you just went and asked Aunt Babe. She was always second in command. Come to think of it, I still miss my grandmother too. Aunt Babe is the only one left of the three who gives me unconditional love. She does the same for all her children, grand children and nieces and nephews. When you go see her, she is truly happy to see you and tells everyone just how wonderful we are.
11. I go out every Thursday with a bunch of woman called the Anger Management Girls. This is a group of woman that if you put us all in a line-up, you would never imagine we had ANYTHING in common. But that is the beauty of the group. Everyone is welcome. Among us there are teachers, waitresses, secretaries, housewives, college administrators, college deans, social workers, interior designers, bankers, writers, wannabe be writers(yours truly) probation officers, real estate tycoons, bureaucrats,and appellate lawyers, just to name a few. And we all LIKE each other.
12. My bark is far worse than my bite. I'm actually a sissy-la-la in disguise.
13. I am a Civil War widow. My husband was obsessed with it. The first five vacations of our married life we went to Civil War Battlefields. Yea!! I know you are all jealous here. Finally I said NO MORE!
I have a library in my house that houses some of Dan's 600 plus books. Don't know what I'm going to do with them when I downsize. His pride and joy, Grant's Memoirs, first edition. 1880.
Through a friend, Dan met Jeff Shiraz whose father won Pulitzer prize for Killer Angels. He gave Dan some of his fathers books (Plus signed first editions of his own). So among the hundreds of books, some of them belonged to a Pulitzer prize winner. That is pretty cool.
14. I went back to school to get a masters degree when my kids were small just so I could sit in a room for three hours and no one could ask me to cook them something to eat. For three hours a night, twice a week, I was no longer Mrs. D'Amico, but Eileen, graduate student. It did wonders for my soul. Never did use the degreee though.
15. I was obsessed with being the best snack mother that ever lived. Figures, It never got me anywhere.
16. I am full of useless information that never will get me anywhere in life.
17. I graduated almost at the bottom of my class in high school. But my best friends were at the top of the class. So now, when I see people from high school, they don't associate me with the kids from group K but the kids from group G. This practice has served me well through my life. Always befriend the people at the top. No one remembers you weren't all that great. As a side note, I went further and am probably certain that I've read more books than most in G group. (You can't read when your dead. *I've been out of High School 34 years. Not that I'm bitter that they totally had it wrong and that I actually believed I was stupid for the first 17 years of my life or anything
18. For a dumb,poor girl from Lawrenceville, I've been around. I've been to every presidential inauguration since Jimmy Carter. One of which my kids and I watched from the Director of the FBI's office. I was in Washington when the hostages were released from Iran and have pictures of them. I've been on the alter in the first row with the Pope at the Vatican. I have been to innaug. Balls. and met three presidents. I worked for the FBI in the Civil Rights Division. Went to a private party for the Attny General of the United States. I was at the swearing in of a Director of the FBI. Also in attendance was the President and Attny General. I was in the 4th row. Dick Thornbugh and a whole lot of really important people were in the rows BEHIND me. I attended Senate hearings on organized crime. I go to NY every Dec. and stay at the Waldorf Astoria. Two years in a row, Brad and Angelina were on the floor above us. One time, Ski and I sat outside their room and listened to them put kids to bed. I had a whole new appreciation for them. I've been to the Superbowl. Had a police escort in so we didn't have to wait in security. Went to the command center to see all security stuff. It was better than the Superbowl for me. I've been to a World Series game in 1979; I've seen Bruce (First time in 1974), The Who,U2 and The Stones in concert many times. I've met Bob Hope. I was living in DC when the United States beat the Russians in the Miracle on Ice and chased Jim Craig down Pennsylvania Ave. I actually worked on Pennsylvania Ave. I've been in the audience at the David Letterman Show. So yeah,for a poor dumb girl from Lawrenceville, I guess you can say I have been around.
19. I used to go to Appalachia every summer in high School to rebuild poor peoples houses.
20 I went to 18 years of Catholic Schools and know the Patron Saints of just about everything!!
21. I wish one of those schools were Notre Dame.
22. When my sister worked at the Rand Corp they used to play softball once a week on the Mall in DC.Judo and I just happened to go to the game when they were playing Harvard. They didn't have enough players that particular evening. The Harvard team asked us if we wanted to fill in. So yeah, I can honestly say I played softball for Harvard......Judo, do you remember that?
23. I love to give presents much more that receiving.
24 I hate cleaning my house.
25. I can't believe I am not married anymore. And feel guilty that I can't be what my husband was to my boys.

So thats it. 25 stupid stuff that will not get you anywhere in life either!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Lenten Good Fortune? I Certainly Hope So!

So tomorrow the Anger Management Girls are getting our cards read. How fun is that going to be?
Tonight I was searching the web for a good picture to use for the post.
I came across these:

Alright,I though, that might do.
Then this:

Better, and a little funny.
But then this:

Yikes, I thought, I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.. I'm not going to "Sleep With The Fishes". Am I?????
If Isis tells me she sees this man in my future. Hey, I'm outta here folks!
If I'm never heard from again. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Speaking of fortune telling, Yesterday I knew in my immediate future that I would pass 10,000 visitors today or tomorrow.
Can you believe it? TEN THOUSAND!!! 10,000 people read this here grammatically challenged little old blog. Alot of you are return visitors, they are also counted in the 10,000. But still 10,000 hits.
I was going to post early today and tell you all to look on the bottom and if the10,000th was you, I wanted you to let me know.But I forgot. Sorry.
So who ever read at 5:02AM this morinng. 5AM, who does that???? All I know is that you have comcast and you are coming from Eighty Four, PA.
I want to know, who are you? This morning was your lucky morning. (At 5AM for Christ sake!)
You actually aren't getting a prize or anything. I just want to know who you were. You should play 100 in the lottery or something. Maybe I'll play it for you tommorow and if hits tomorrow, let me know and we'll split.
If you're one of our AMG's I'll buy you a drink.
Thanks also to the other 9,999 or you.
If my mother were alive, I would think she was responsible for 9,950 of the hits, but since she's dead, can't blame it on her. And Aunt Babe doesn't have a computer, so that rules her out also.
But hey, thanks for stopping by and putting up with my rants!! I really mean that.
And for those of you who cross me, just so you know there is NOTHING more powerful than 10,000 angry bitches!!!
Those who cross us, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF OUR WAY!!!
Or you'll be sleeping with the fishes!

Monday, March 02, 2009

The Peas And Carrots Post

OK, so here's my peas and carrots story.

(It's probably not going to be funny anymore, oh well)

Friday I went to Sure Save. I know. Its a ghetto store, but hey, times are tough, ya know? And it's cheap. Really, really cheap.

So I'm getting my box of pasta for my pasta casserole. (That other person is still taking over my body. Don't know how to rid my body of her but this nut cooked three dinners over the weekend.)

Anyway, I'm deciding what kind of pasta to use and this little old gray haired, nutting looking older lady taps me on the shoulder.

LOCL: Hey hon, do you see Delmonte peas and carrots?

Me: Let me look. Here are Sure Save peas and carrots.

LOCL: No, Delmonte are on sale.

Me: No. I don't see any. They are usually right next to the sure save brand.


Me: That is all I can see. Oh, here. Here is a little can.

LOCL: How much?

Me: 85 cents.

LOCL: I ain't paying 85 cents for that little thing.

Me: Smiling, starting to walk away.

LOCL: Try looking again.

Me: No, I don't see any larger peas and carrots except the small one. eyes start to roll.


Me: Uh, sorry. Bye.

LOCL: I can't believe you can't find any large cans. I am not paying 85 cents for that little thing.

Me: Bye.

LOCL: Still yelling at me because ghetto Sure Save in Bloomfield doesn't have Delmonte Peas and Carrots. Like it's my fault.


It seems I always have issues with that store. When it used to be Foodland, I actually got kicked out. I swear. Ski will tell you.She still brings that episode up. It was 20 years ago and I got into a fight with a cashier over milk. The security guard, aka. Barney Fife escorted me out.

I told him where to go.

Another time they thought they caught a tiny kid stealing and were screaming pretty inappropriate thing to him. When they searched him, apparently he didn't have anything. We got into a little tiff that time also.

I'm thinking my picture is hanging in the office. Probably with darts in it. And no, I don't buy anything that isn't wrapped prior to me getting there!

I guess the moral of this story if I better stay away from Sure Save!