Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Is Erin Guest Hosting the View?

The time has come girls. It's time for us to form a united front and come together for the common good. We have our work cut out for us this time and hopefully we'll be up to the task. But I think we can pull it off. It's a shame it has come to this, and I wouldn't ask for your help if I didn't think is were absolutely necessary.
But it's absolutely necessary.
What might that task be you're asking.

OK here goes, yesterday I spoke with our little Erin twice on the telephone. During the course of the approximately 1 hour long conversation, she (deep breath)made reference to THE VIEW three times.
Yes, three times. THREE TIMES!
We got to get her the hell out of there. And fast.

The conversation went something like this.
Me: Bla bla bla bla bla bla
Her: Bla bla bla and they were saying on the View this morning bla bla bla
Me: WTF did to just make reference to THE VIEW?
Her: Yea, they were just talking about this same thing on the VIEW this morning. Joy was saying bla bla bla
Me: bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
Her: bla bla bla bla
Me:<em> bla bla bla bla bla bla bla ble bal(notice my bla is always longer because I'm such a windbag)
Her: Well Joy was talking about that yesterday on the View.
Me: Erin, listen to yourself for one minute please. Think about it. You are living in the Suburbs of Connecticut (aka North Hundington) sleeping till 10:00. Being a good little housewife. Watching THE VIEW???????
We have to go up there, get her and bring her home before she starts thinking Elizabeth Hasselbeck makes sense.
Geeze, just when I thought I had made headway. I bet she quit using the sidewalk again.

See you all tomorrow 'round 8.

Note: Before the nasty e-mail start arriving, I made refrence to N. Hundington because that is where Erin is from.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Please people, make sure you vote today.
Remember, if you don't vote, don't complain.

My favorite election return story:
I was watching Bill Burns and daughter Patty work the anchor desk one election day (around 1980 or so). Patty was excitingly telling how the Democrats won all races in Pittsburgh.
Bill turned, looked at her crazily and said "Patty, you have a better chance of marrying the Pope, than a Republican has of winning any office in the city of Pittsburgh"
I almost fell off my chair.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Message to Gimps

Gee, folks are getting testy round here. I was thinking, I should add a warning on MY blog. (MY blog = I can say anything I want, if you don't like it, don't read) The warning should read something like this:


(including, but not exclusive to Scott, the Sissy-la-la bartender from Sunnyledge, who proved once again he's a sissy by not signing his name to posts)

People, all are welcome to read and comment, and not everyone should agree with what I have to say. But If you don't, have some #%@ and sign your name.
And remember, you came here. I didn't twist your arm. (Or did I one night when I was drunk?) If I did, I am sorry.
But you all get the point. There are enough blogs out there in these old Internets to please just about everyone. Find one that suits you and your beliefs.
Mine pleases me, OK?
Laugh people, laugh..........

One more thing and then I'll move on. Most of the stuff I write about is strictly for entertainment value. I find one thing that I found amusing or infuriating in a week and embellish it. I exaggerate to make the post easier to read. Lord knows it's hard enough to read through my horrible grammar. (Thanks again, Sister Angela, 11 grade English) Inserting a little humor just makes it easier to read.
Geeze, if you all take everything I write here for Gospel, I am a suicidal maniac desperately in need of rehab ready to kill waitress' for grilled cheese. (No comment from AMG)
Another point, some people reading comment to other friends that I must be really depressed it says so on my blog.
AGAIN COMMEDY......LAUGH...exaggerated to make funny.
In closing on this matter,if you don't like it, don't read.
This blog is just what it says it is. It's for us Anger Management Girls, a bunch of girls who like to go out on Thursday's and have a few laughs. Alot of it is inside jokes that probably aren't all that funny if you don't know me.
If you don't like it, F*** Off and read something else. Or at least let me know who you are.
Reminds me of an Irish saying:

May those who love us love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.

All righty then, now that that's settled and all the gimps are gone.

I was going to cover something else today, but my computer broke last night. (whole other story) So I am writing this on the fly at work.

Speaking of, Kelbi, Dr.'s dog died this week. Needless to say, stressful week. He was with us in the office every day for 12 years. Dr.'s a mess. So I am ready for Mojito's tomorrow girls.

This week Mardi Gras for Bro-hito's.

Next week: Pollocks on Liberty Ave. I hear the service is great. Maybe Janice won't have to wait for HER FOOD, WHERE WAS HER FOOD! (And people think I'm a bitch!)

Monday, April 07, 2008

History in the Remaking

*The following post will probably not make much sense if you didn't grow up in Lawrenceville. If you don't know what "UP THE WARD" means. Quit reading. Sorry.

Lovely one bedroom home for rent in Lawrenceville,
Partially furnished with antique dining room set and china cabinets
High ceilings and fireplace mantels, large new bathroom, cute kitchen, and all newly painted.
Fenced small brick yard.
Located on 45th, the river side of Butler St.
$650 plus utilities

This was in an e-mail forwarded to me by our good friend in the Buckeye State. So what? You might ask. Where is she going with this? You might ask.
People e-mail me stuff all the time. What's so different about this add? You might ask,
I am soooo happy you asked.


I'm assuming this person is talking about BELOW BUTLER.
I have so much in my head that I can't type as fast as my brain is going.

OK Ei, settle down. Start from the beginning.
OK, sigh, deep breath.
Give me a break people.

Why do people have to make things sound so much better than they are. This reminds me of a friend years ago who bought a house in Wilkinsburg. Her parents from New York came to visit. The mother said to me "Don't you love Jocelyn's lovely home in the country. (They had two trees in the back yard.) It was in fucking Wilkinsburg..........Or the people who live in ROW HOUSES, suddenly they call them TOWN HOUSES. (Lawrenceville, has lots of TOWNHOUSES)
Sorry I'm getting sidetracked.

Let me start by saying I was born on October 16, 1957 at 193 Cotton Way. In Lawrenceville. Dare I say it. Another deep breath. BELOW BUTLER. In an alley for Christ Sake.
That was back when Lawrenceville was pronounced in two syllables. Larnce-ville(In pure Pittsburgese). When I go the events in "the ville" or "LA" (Lawrenceville Area). (NOT, NOT, NOT LARRYVILLE)I can always tell the people new to the neighborhood. I guess I should say the people that paid over $100,000 for some old Polish ladies house. They ask if I am a native to Law-rence-ville. I took to calling them the" thee syllable people". When I tell them I was born and raised in the neighborhood, they are immediately surprised I can read and have an intelligent conversation. (Notice I didn't mention grammar or writing)

Don't get me wrong. I love the "three syllable-ers (my new word) Alot of them are friends of mine. And as Lawrenceville's biggest cheerleader, I am truly grateful these people took a chance and moved into my neighborhood picking up the slack for the sissy la la's who moved to Shaler-ville in the 70's and 80's.
But some things are sacred. Like when you tell people you're from Lawrenceville, and they ask you the age old question. ABOVE OR BELOW? You say BELOW. And you get the look. You know, the kind of look people from Fox Chapel give the workers from Sharpsburg at the Waterworks Giant Eagle. THAT look.

Now that I think about it. I kind of like it. "Eileen, from a townhouse on the river side of Butler Street" sounds hell of alot better that saying "Eileen, 193 Cotton Way, an alley row house,below Butler."

And as Lisa found out from experience, I can talk about Lawrenceville all I want. Just don't let me hear anyone else say anything.
Sounds like I finally have some class, doesn't it?
Ok, Ok, I'm pushing it.
You get the idea.
Lawrenceville, history in the remaking. LOVE IT.

Sunday, April 06, 2008


Just a few things that got me all "Fired Up" this weekend.

First on the list: This morning I was driving to the cemetery with "Smokey the Guard Dog." As I was going up Frendship Ave. I saw a U-Haul truck, stopped, in the middle of the street. So I stopped because I couldn't get past. I had the car windows open because It was so nice out today (finally). I looked over to my left and this woman was getting out of her parked car yelling at the people in the U-Haul . She was saying that she is not going to move her car because there wasn't a nearby parking spot.
Now let me just go on record here. As you all know, I am not the nicest person on the face of this earth. (Shocking, I know) But really folks, I would never be this mean. She would not move her car so that her new neighbors could unload their truck without stopping traffic. What a bitch. I yelled to her "Geeze lady, you're mighty neighborly, aren't you? Hopefully someone will treat you the same way, and soon." I then yelled out to the poor kids moving in, "Welcome the the neighborhood"
Really, what a bitch.

Second up: A bunch of Jehovah Witnesses were in my neighborhood this morning. They knock on my door. I answer. They ask me what I think of when I hear the word Armageddon. I think for a moment. Then I answer "Scary religious people like you all in positions of power." I then closed the door.

Next: My old friend, and you all know who, out on the prowl again this weekend. Ughhhhhhh. No matter how hard I try to suppress her, my sissy la la alter ego comes out. Damn her.

Finally: Charlton Heston died this weekend. This news does not sadden me, at all. What a jerk.

A few misc. things: This Thursday we are celebrating Janice's birthday. Originally, she wanted to go to Sunnyledge. We quashed that thought. She can go sit by herself with the sissy bartender, AMGirls are not going there. No sir-ee. Not doing it.

Her second choice is Lot 17 on Liberty Ave. I think we all know where that is. (Sharon remember, it is not Lot 20.)

Mark your calenders Girls. Future Thursday Outings.

April 17th ---- Bro-hito's at Mardi Gras.
April 24th ---- Neid's on Butler Street.
May 22nd --- Pirate Game. Woo hoo!!

This has nothing to do with anything but did anyone else think back this Friday with all the news reports about the 40th anniversary of the murder of Martin Luther King? God, what a weird time. I remember it like it was yesterday. The smoke filled sky. National Guard everywhere. Tanks. Riots. Still being afraid months later. I was 10 and for those of you born after or too young to remember. You can't even begin to imagine how crazy it was. Esp. if you lived in the city. Nothing that came after can begin to come close to what a crazy time that was.

Another thought that has absolutely nothing to do with anything: This afternoon I had the doors open. My young neighbors had the Pirate game blasting out on their deck. I smiled. Nothing reminds me of spring and "Good Memories" of my childhood as much as when I hear the Bucco's on the radio. Even if they suck.

Oh yeah, one more thing I forgot to mention that has me all "fired up:" Fucking Hillary. I hate that bitch.
My Aunt has luncheons twice a year for all the ladies in our family. Very nice affairs at Oakmont Country Club. It's fun to just sit around and drink Champagne on a Sunday afternoon while catching up with cousins and aunts. Anyway, Aunt Patsy told Ginny Ann to tell me not to bring up politics at the lunch.
Uh Yeah, that pretty much guarantees what I will bring up.......Just joking.....maybe!

See you all Thursday at Lot 17.'Round 8:00

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

The Good Wife

My friend Noreen, who is a good wife, by the way, sent this to me.
It didn't copy quite as well as I wanted it to,so I'll just point out the most fitting ones. (With my commentary in italics as usual)
The Good Wife's Guide
  • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking of him and are concerned about his needs. I'm thinking of him alright!!!
  • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up. Put a ribbon in your hair. Put a ribbon in my hair? Did they say put a ribbon in my hair? Yea, that'll work. When he stops laughing, I'll touch up that make-up. It sure needs it. Last time I wore make up was 1983 at my wedding.

  • Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. By being gay, you think they mean for you to have an affair with the housewife next door? His life certainly will be more interesting.

  • Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. I think this means make sure all the sex toys are put away from your afternoon rendezvous with the "good wife" next door.

  • Gather up all schoolbooks, paper, etc and them run a dustcloth over the tables. Kids, no time for reading, put those damn books away, your father is coming home. Tell the teacher you father wouldn't permit you to do homework. Go play in traffic for Christ's sake. You know whats important here folks, not the kids and their education. Funny, my mother used to use the word dustcloth all the time. She'd walk in and tell me I needed to run a dustcloth over my coffee table and tv. Uh, yeah, I listened to her. too.

You get the point, I'm just going to skip over the next few.

  • Listen to him. Let him talk first, remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours. Geeze Hillary, Bill's Monica stories are so much more important that what you are doing now.

  • Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Whew, at least he won't figure out I didn't come home all night either.

  • Have a cool drink ready for him when he does come home. Make sure to add the secret ingredient. Cyanide.

  • Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement. You have no right to question him. Does this mean I can't ask him when he mailed the alimony check?
  • A good wife always knows her place. WTF? My personal favorite, people. Yeah, I know my place alright. Right here in 2008. Girls, we would be so screwed if it were 1955.

This week lets try Gino's in Lawrenceville

Here goes, I am trying something new here girls. I am going to add a link to google maps in case some of you need directions.
So just double click on Geno's in Lawrenceville (above)and you should get directions. Type in your starting destination and it will tell you how to get there.
Hopefully see you all tomorrow around 8.
And Girls, remember to "ALWAYS" be the good wife.