Monday, December 31, 2007

If this is your luck day mention Promotion Code N-6

Today I started my day like any other. Reading the death notices. I know, I know, I'm a big weirdo. I do this for two reasons:
1) My father always told us the duty of the Irish is to visit the sick and bury the dead.
2) I can't tell you the names of the over 1,000 people who came to see each my mother and husband. But I can sure as hell tell you who wasn't there. (Not that I hold a grudge or anything)
I didn't get out to buy a paper this morning so I was reading on line.
I click on obits and to the right I see this. An add for a free casket when buying a crypt.
Here's how i see it:
This is true. I swear. I am just going to change the end when it's time to pick a funeral home. I'll put in italics what is NOT true.
As with anything in my life, it's always a story. Nothing is ever normal. Why this is, I'll never know. I guess God has his reasons. I've yet to discover them though.
January 19, 2000 started normal enough.
I went to work. Towards the end of the day, my father called to tell me they were putting my mother back in the hospital. Since they lived only a couple yards from the hospital, and having worked there most of her life, admissions told her to go home and wait instead of waiting in the ER. They would call her when her room was ready.
I left work and headed to her house to check up on her. She seemed fine, a little scared, but fine.
I had a hair appointment. I was going to cancel, but she assured me she was fine and would see me in an hour or so. I packed up a bag for her to take to the hospital.
I left and went to my appt.
While I was getting my hair cut. She died.
In the hour that I was gone. Word spread like wildfire. I guess the neighbors saw the firetrucks (first responders) and figured out what happened. So by the time I got back to my house, before my husband even made it to the front door when I walked into my house, a neighbor ran up to me and told me how sorry she was to hear of my mother's passing. I looked at her like she was crazy, Dan was trying to stop her, but it was too late.
So in what was probably the worst thing to happen to me in my life up to that point, it was told to me by a crazy neighbor......typical.
So I literally run to my parents house up the street. The street it still closed off from the firetruck, police, ect.
When I walk into my parents small house, there is my mother, lying in the middle of the floor, with the beloved crocheted throw that her friend Jean made for her covering her.
Relatives and friends were already pouring in and out of the house.
It was then that I thought, this is like a Seinfeld episode. I guess the paramedics put her in the middle of the floor while trying to revive her, and left her there.
So as everyone was filing into the house. They had to step over her.(They had a really small living room.)
So here we are, running back and fourth, answering the door, all the while stepping over her to get to the front door.
My cousin Mary Alice and I went up to her room and found the dress she wanted to be "Laid out in". She told me once a week for 15 years, she wanted to be laid out in the dress she wore to my wedding. (I know, I know)
We took it to the cleaners, came home and she was still lying in the middle of the floor.
How weird this turned out to be.
We had to wait for the Dr. to come and declare her "dead by natural causes". We didn't want her to be taken to the morgue. It took about two hours.
The whole while the policeman had to wait until the under taker came. We laugh now because he was probably thinking, "What a bunch of nuts"
So here's where the advertisement comes in
While we were waiting, could you imagine if someone said
"Lets go to Jefferson Memorial instead of Zalewski's, you get a free casket, and when you call just mention promotion code N-6."


Happy New Year. And if, God forbid, you should need them, just spread the word to your loved ones, tell them PROMOTION CODE N-6.

Afterthought:My father and I are sitting in the funeral home basement grabbing something to eat, because we were forbidden to leave by my mother. She always said, "None of this 2-4, 7-9 stuff, If you can't sit with me for two whole days, the last days you will ever see me. I will haunt you. (Maureen, "The Madonna" left, I wasn't chancing it). While we were eating, we could hear them embalbing Sadie O'Neil (another old neighbor, who died a day after mom)in the next room. Again, that would make a great Seinfeld episode. We cracked up. I guess that wouldn't happened if we would have just went to Jefferson Memorial and mentioned promotion N-6.

Sorry such a morbid post, just one of those days. Also my family always found the humor to ease the sadness!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Holiday Hangovers

Whew, glad that's over.
Although, I have to admit, this year wasn't as stressful to me as in years past.
Partly because I cut my shopping list down by about 100 people.
I did this for two reasons. The first being economic, of course.
The second being I have too much stuff I neither want or need.
This is no lie, I have presents still in Christmas bags from last year. It's not that I don't appreciate the thoughts. I do. But I live in a 10 room house that is filled to the brim. Plus I have a wallet full of gift cards that I always forget to use.(they probably expired by now)
So way back in the summer, I call the in laws and give everyone this whole annotation about Christmas being for kids and I am only buying for kids this year. And I won't feel bad if they still exchange, but I have plenty of chuchkies and please, please don't buy me anything, because I am not buying them anything.
They did not listen to me.
Not one of them.
So I go there with five little presents for the nieces and nephews and they start handing me presents under the guise they are from the kids. If the kids bought them, fine, but they didn't.
I don't feel bad.
It was well worth the emotional well being. I actually slept in on Christmas eve instead of doing last minute shopping and wrapping. And got to go to Cafe Sam's Christmas Eve party, which in 20 years could never attend because I was always running like crazy Christmas Eve day trying to get everything done.
I did all my shopping in one day. (Three days before Christmas)

My favorite presents, I got a door mat that says "The Parties Here". That's fun.
How about this. You all know I collect Barbie Ornaments. This year's ornament was Roman Holiday Barbie. How funny is that? My husband always bought them for me, but since he died, Erin took over. How perfect. Plus Ski didn't listen to me either and bought me much needed luggage. I guess they were embarrassed to travel with me anymore with the 20 year old suitcase from Gabes.

Anyways, that's my Christmas in a nutshell.
Surprisingly, no one really pissed me off this holiday season. Again, I think because of the lack of stress.

So what did piss me off this week? (I still need a title for this)
Actually two news events:
1)Last night on KDKA TV News. Former Premier Benazir Bhutto of Pakistan is assassinated. This could have world-changing ramifications. This is big news folks.
You know what KDKA's lead story was? Big Ben might not start on Sunday's games.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? You know what I did. Changed the channel and that's it. I am never watching KDKA again. I've had it. I rally mean it. When Pakistan nukes us, I will be watching WTAE or WPXI.
2) Headline: Long standing Hollywood couple decides to call it quits.
So I'm thinking. Wow, wonder who that is. You know who it is? Sean Penn and Robin Wright. Please, they were married for 11 years. I'm thinking, before reading this, wonder who was married for 40 or 50 years that is getting divorced. 11 years. Christ, they're just getting to know each other for God's sake.
3)Or how about the CEO from Mylan that said she has an MBA from WVU. They just happened to find her transcripts last week. Yeah, right.
That's it for the news.
I do know what's going to piss me off in the future though. Cyril Wecht. God I can't stand that man. And the media hype is just starting. How about his arguement against jury secrecy. He doesn't know what enemies he's made over the years.
You know what Cyril, either does the guy who shot someone over a drug deal and got caught. I'm sure he has enemies that could be potential jurors also

Ok done for now.
Next week I'll be all in an uproar. I hate New Years Eve.
I met my husband on New Years Eve.
By the next New Years Eve, we were already married.
We stayed in every year, we would invite all friends who didn't have babysitters to bring their kids to our house. We had alot of fun over the years. At home. I just hated all the hoopla associated with that one night.
Now that I'm single, it's 100 times worse. It's just such a weird night.
Sorry, I wrote half the post for next week now.......

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Santa Claus is Coming to Hambones!

dum, dum, dum, dum, you better watch out
you better not cry,
you better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to .......Hambones?

This Thursday we are going to Hambones for Anger Management.

Here's the deal. If you choose to participate everyone needs to bring something really stupid that they want to get rid of that's hanging around their house.
It's called Bad Santa, or Chinese Gift Exchange
All participants bring their gift to “the pile.” Gifts are wrapped, but are not labeled to reflect a sender or recipient. All participants draw a number (from a hat, perhaps) to determine their order. The participant with #1 unwraps any gift from the pile and then shows it to everyone. Each successive participant, in the order determined from the drawing, can either 1) "steal" an already opened gift (if there's one they really like) or 2) be adventurous and go for a wrapped gift from the pile. If the participant chooses to steal, the person whose gift is stolen now repeats their turn and either 1) steals another person's gift or 2) unwraps a new gift. This cycle of stealing can sometimes continue for a long time, until a new gift is chosen, at which point the turn is passed to the participant with the next number from the drawing.

Since items can be stolen, the item in your possession is not yours until the game is over. However, this is often amended with a rule declaring a gift "dead" or "safe" after it has been stolen a certain number of times (usually two or three). This helps the process go more smoothly (avoiding, for example, the hypothetical scenario of the same gift being stolen by every successive participant) and limits the disadvantage of being among the first to choose gifts.

Again, no one is to go out and buy a something nice. This is just something fun. It's not a complicated as it sounds. And who knows, one person's trash, might be another's treasure!Hopefully we can all take a break from the craziness of the season and celebrate.

New this week: I am going to start listing just a few things that piss me off during the week. ie, news events, politics, ordering bagels (just joking, almost) It could be anything that pops into my mind this particular week.

So here goes. I don't have a name for this yet, so any suggestions will be greatly appreciated:
1. The whole UPMC lets send all the kids to school, aren't we great, by the way, we are only going to do this if you give us tax breaks.
Fuck you UPMC and your BILLIONS. You have alot of nerve.
2. IF I hear one more Celine Dion Christmas tune, I am going to slit my wrists. Maybe she will turn into a crack addict like Whitney and we can be done with her. They can get a BOGO at Betty Ford.
3. My heater broke in my car. Damn, it's cold.
4. Rodriguez leaving WVU for Michigan state. The only thing is, I can't decide whose side I am on in this mess. I know one thing, the donors are pissing me off a little by threatening to quit giving money to WVU. How about giving for educational purposes. He's a football coach for christ sake.
5. Pretty much all the Presidential Candidates. I hate them all. Somethings got to give for me here. I know, I know girls, you can all give me a hard time. I HATE,HATE fucking Hillary. I hate her voice, her fake smile, Did I mention I hate her?

I guess that's all I can think of for this week, since I am in the Holiday Spirit and all.
OK I'll pray for my poor old soul Monday at Midnight Mass.
Oh wait, another thing that pisses me off. I knew I forgot something.
What's up with that?
Who came up with that idea?
I don't want to go to mass on Monday at 4:00.
I'm sorry, but if you choose to be a priest. Your job description says you have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas since it is a big day in your chosen field and all.
Hey maybe I don't like working Monday's. Too bad, deal with it.

Hopefully see you all around 8 at Hambones.
Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Reality Sucks!

I'm Baaack!!!!!
Back to my dull, ordinary life.
Why can't I have an apartment at the Waldorf huh, huh,huh?
It's just not fair.
Damn those people.
What a place. I'm tellin you, I was in New York a whole day without ever leaving the Waldorf.
First there's the room. It had a sitting room for Christ sakes.
Who has sitting rooms?
And why should one have one?
One of these days I would like to own a sleeping jacket and sit and read a book in my sitting room.
Maybe even hold a cigarette holder.

Then, there is actually status elevators in the hotel.
The center elevators means you are in the Towers, the ones at the end of the lobby are mere rooms.
So after 24 hours, I actually got an attitude.
Turning my nose up to those who weren't quite lucky enough to have sitting rooms and such.
Ha, the nerve of me.
(We were in Towers, of course!)
Then I did my whole people watching in the Lobby.(My favorite thing) Wow. I really spent my first 24 hrs. in NY without leaving hotel.
I ate a Waldorf Salad at the Waldorf.
I could go on and on, don't want to bore you all.

Back home now.
Walked in house. Dog's bowl empty, house smells like smoke. Fast food cartons everywhere. Dirty socks on the floor. Newspapers everywhere. Mail on floor exactly where it fell when pushed through slot.
Yeah, welcome home mom.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Guess what time I went to bed in NYC on Friday.
10:00. Can you believe it? I just wanted to sleep in that beautiful bed. It's amazing how great you feel sleeping in a bed that doesn't have holes chewed into it from one's dog.
Speaking of, yeah, Smokey was thrilled to see me.
Damn dog.
Well, I'm all rested, ready to go tomorrow.

One thing I did not do in New York? BUY A PURSE!!! I am cured. I left the city without even looking at a purse. I can't believe it. I told everyone I need serious help if I come home with another purse.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Ouch,Ouch, Ouch!!

Warning: Some of this may not make sense. This post is the ramblings of a
woman "Doped Up" on Vicodin and Steroids.
And ya know what? I wasn't even the one rolling on the floor after 38 bottle of Champagne Saturday night, ie, Kathy and Ski. Still laughing about that one.
That's it, maybe I pulled a mussel laughing!Did we have fun or what?????
Since we're on the subject.
The tally from Saturday.
All in all, 38 bottles of Champagne were drunk by 31 people. Included in that number is FOUR magnums. (so I guess that would work out to about 42) Some people didn't give in and had to drink beer, so we also drank two cases of beer. And a bunch of other "Shit"(If you know what I mean!)
For a Grand Total: $2,125.00.

Those of you who missed it, missed a great, great time as the pic to the right can attest to. And the picture below will prove.This was taken half way through the party!

-Check out Barb's new blog. "Life in a Four Letter State". Too funny. The link is to the left. Just double click on link. I think you girls can handle that.
-I am headed to New York this weekend for my annual trip. Staying at the Waldorf Astoria, Woo hoo! This is my favorite weekend of the year and wouldn't give it up for anything. (Even though this year, I'll be bent over in pain)At least the beds at the Waldorf don't have holes from ones dog. Maybe it'll do my back some good.
-Went to my first Hanukkah party (Is that what it's called?) tonight at Janice's. The "Hanukkah Hustlers" took advantage of the token christian during the Dradle Game.
-While we're on that subject, notice the new Christmas Pic on Blog. Can you guess which one of Santa's elves is the Hanukkah Elf? How about me. I had to look twice. I though it was my son and not me in the pic.
-Thursday is Kathy's Birthday. We are going to be headed to Sunnyledge.
Hopefully see you all around 8:00. I'll be the one hunched over the table!!
-Bunch of other stuff going on, But the state I'm in, can't remember!!!!