Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Joy of Libations


The Value of a Drink
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drinkI feel shame. Then I look into the glass and thinkabout the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopesand dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be outof work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let theirdreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hellhappened to your bra and panties.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they'regoing to feel all day. "~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's allget drunk and go to heaven!"~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in thehistory of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that thewheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel doesnot go nearly as well with pizza."~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not

6 comments:

Ruth Brannigan said...

Irene,
You are a drinking gal's muse.
Fasten your seat belt.
I am considering opening a southern version of Anger Management.....
The Alexandria neighborhood where I live and teach is called Del Ray.... So, it would be called:
Del Ray Anger Management or, DRAM for short or, as I would prefer, a DRAM of TulleymoreDew.
OR
I MIGHT settle for a more regional slant for the greater DC area: Southern Capital Regional Anger Management or SCRAM.
oh, the possibilities.

BEYOND THE TUNNELS said...

To the three personalities that have so far surfaced (we are preparing for many more to arrive) . .
Eileen, Francine, The Mayor..

Please be sure to pay attention to the alcohol warnings .. hmmmm, one in particular comes to mind <<<"Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties"

I still think the best thing you picked up in the bar was Smokey (and its been longer than a weekend!)

If I would have read the warnings first maybe my squeaky clean, girl next door image would not be tarnished and I would not be forever searching for a better cell phone plan (and lip ointment). . .

Heck, who am I kidding stop reading and start drinking!

I'm feeling so much better about my drinking habits! Great reading my friend!

Eileen, The Mayor, or Francine, depending on my mood and night of the week. said...

Ruthie,
Think of something with an A and you could be the DRAMA Queens.

Ruth Brannigan said...

ASSOCIATION!!!!!

DEL RAY ANGER MANAGEMENT

ASSOCIATES
ASSEMBLY
ASTRONAUTS
AVENGERS

I'LL KEEP IT COMING.

Ruth Brannigan said...

DAMN, as soon as I sent the last message it dawned on me......

ANONYMOUS

Eileen, The Mayor, or Francine, depending on my mood and night of the week. said...

Ruthie,
OMG, perfect.
On a sad note, Tonight I, again, represented the DC contingent(hopefully not a trend) at McCabe's and paid my respects to T. Ford. My God, too bad he missed it. They actually had to close Walnut and Elmer streets. He would have been thrilled. THe line of fireman went up the street.
As mom was fond of saying: "There's nothing like a good night at McCabes." (Or Zalewski's, or Murray's for that matter)