Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I am not an idiot, am I????/

First ,let me say I am not an idiot, not a Mensa either, but certainly not a complete idiot. (Even though I might act like one sometimes.)
Well I certainly felt like one tonight. This will go down there with one of the more idiotic things I‘ve done in my life. Some of which you will hear about in this post.
As you all know, in the beginning of June I purchased a new laptop computer to replace the one that was stolen from me when my house was burglarized. I was excited and couldn't wait to return to writing blog posts on Saturday afternoons on my couch.
My excitement was short-lived.
I couldn’t get the Internet to work after about a week.
It kept telling me it couldn’t find a network, even when I went to one of those wifi places. When I went to one of them, I met a really nice man who even looked up my computers operating manual on his computer and helped me for over an hour. He must have been really desperate; he then asked me out and gave me his card in case I changed my mind. Even if he was a little “Off”, he seemed to know what he was doing on the computer.
Anyway, I decided to take it back. It was then I encountered my first problem, I lost my receipt.
I know, I know, I should have a file for large purchases, I do…… but can’t find it. It’s in that all encompassing “Important Papers File”. Which I can never find. It’s in there with my kids birth certificates, all 10 of them. I keep having to pay to get new ones printed because, you guessed it, can’t find file when I need it.
I first took it back to Office Depot and asked them to look at it. They informed me my Internet card was bad and when I find my receipt, bring it back and they will replace the whole computer.
I called some 800 number and talked to requisite Indian on duty. Dajit told me they would e-mail me receipt in 4-5 working days.
Fast forward 1.5 weeks. Still no receipt.
Call Dajit Back. Strangely they tell me they have never talked to me. They have no record whatsoever of my call. I give them the info again. This time it takes 25 minutes. I am getting a little annoyed. Another 1.5 weeks, no e-mail.
Call Dajit back, you guessed it, no record of my call.
I am pissed.
Long story short, after a few more long calls, and 7 weeks, I finally get a manager at Office Depot that tells me to just bring the computer to him by 9:00 tonight and he will just give me a new computer.
I go to Office Depot tonight with computer in hand. I see John the manager, he tells me to go see Brad and he will help me.
When I see Brad, I immediately wish I was 22. What a cutie. He informs me he knows my whole problem and plugs in my computer just to check it. I just stare, He’s probably thinking, “Oh great, just what I need, another crazy old lady telling me about her beautiful daughter or niece.”
Then he tries to get into the Internet. He gets right on. He tells me there really isn’t a problem. I ask him what he did.
You know what he did????HE TURNED IT ON……..
Oh my God, I am thinking, I really can’t be this stupid.
But I am. That’s all that was the matter. IT WASN”T TURNED ON.
We laughed and laughed, I told him to promise not to tell anyone. He assures me he won’t. I pleaded, “Please, I said, don’t talk about me in your break room”
We both walk out of the door. His coworker was standing by the door. I was opening my car door when I saw his co-worker double over. I ran back over and laughingly told him he promised not to laugh at me and he didn’t even wait until I got in my car. He could have at least waited until I pulled out for God’s sake.
Geeze, If I was only 22. I remember always wondering why the smartest, cutest guys always fell for the dumbest girls. (I figured it out)
I could have batted my eyes. Sached around. We might have gotten married.
If Only…….
Know what’s really funny. At work I am considered the computer expert. Whenever there is a problem, they come to me to figure it out. I guess I fooled them. Hopefully they don’t read this blog……
This got me thinking about other really, really dumb things I have done in life. Thought you all might enjoy hearing about a few. Why not, I already made an ass out of myself.
• One time my dryer was making a very large clinking noise, I stopped using it and hung clothes to dry because we couldn’t afford to buy another one. A year later, we were moving and I asked the movers to carry the dryer out to the curb for the garbage. Three quarters fell out the back of the dryer. Turns out there was nothing wrong with the dryer, only some quarters that fell out of someone’s pocket.
• My mother made the mistake of never letting us help in the kitchen. We weren’t allowed to even turn a burner on. Having said that, when my oven wouldn’t work right after getting married, I just used crock pots and electric frying pans to cook for about 6 months before someone mentioned the pilot light in the oven might need to be lit. It did. And worked just fine for fifteen or so years.
Is anyone seeing a pattern here?
• I hitched-hiked with Larry Law on a regular basis back and forth to Philly to see Ski during college. He convinced me we didn’t need more than one change of clothes; clothes took up too much precious room in our duffel bag. We needed all the extra room for beer. All of you who know Larry, know how stupid we were.
• This story is too long for this, but certainly deserves a mention. One time I was in a wedding and my best friend picked up my date. (A pattern that seems to have followed me most of my life)
Having no ride home, I flagged down a police van and rode to my parent's home in the back of a paddy wagon. Informing them through the little window that the drunken girl with no shoes, still in my bridesmaid’s gown, flowers still in hand, worked for the FBI. They asked me what I did for the FBI and me being as stupid as I was, told them the truth. At the time I worked in the Civil Rights Division prosecuting Police Officers. Not something you want to tell the police driving you home at five in the morning.
I could go on and on, but you guys get the gist of it. This is only a small sampling, most of the really, really dumb things I have done im my life isn’t fit for printing.
I am back from vacation up the lake. There is a funny story to go with that for next week’s blog. This week’s is long enough. Don’t want to bore you guys too much.

I was talking with Broz and telling him how much I misses his Mojita's. He said maybe one of these weeks he will make Mojita's for AMG at Mardi Gras. I'll remind him and see what Thursday works for him.
How about Cappy's this Thursday.


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