Sunday, January 06, 2008

It's A Beautiful Day In My Hood!

I love my neighborhood. I really, really do.
I don't think about it much. Sometimes I complain about it more than I should.
But after nights like last night. It really makes me stop,think and realize,

Dan's cousin Angela has an absolutely beautiful home in Upper St. Clair. Wow, what a house. A great party house.
She's known for her great Steeler Parties. She actually rents Big screen TV's for every room in the house. Amazing.
So I figure, what the heck. She's always inviting me, and I always make up some reason for not going. She's my favorite of all Dan's Italian cousins. (Notice I said Italian Mar!)
I always dread going, not because it is not fun, it always is.
Not because I do not like them, I do.
The real reason.
To quote "First Cousin Ginny Ann". It's like going "Out-a-State".
Danny, Ginny Ann and I got into the car.
Purse? got it.
Snack? got it.
Bottle of wine? got it.
Yes, passport. Don't you think people should need a passport to go through the tubes?
I think you should.
Then when you come back through, they could set up customs in that little booth the county policeman sits.
It's like a different country, for cyin' out loud.
Anyway, we turn off Bower Hill Road into the "Plan" I guess that's what you would call it. Just like the ones in "Shalerville" but older,nicer,and classier.
That, my friends is where civilization as I know it was over.
We didn't see one person on any street going or coming.
I swear, not one.
Where are all the people? I wanted to start knocking on doors and ask. When do you leave you house? Do you ever walk your dog, or go the the store?Where are you're kids, tied up in the basement?

So we left sometime in the third quarter, I know, we missed the best part of the game, typical. And we got back into civilization.
Stopped at Hambones and Mardi Gras and headed home.
Even after the heartbreaking loss, there were people EVERYWHERE.
Now that I think about it, wonder if that's were all the people from Upper ST. Clair were. Ya think?
By the time I get home it's around 2:15AM. Smokey, my guard dog was driving me crazy to go for a walk.
I figure, what the heck. He'll guard me if anything happens!!!
I walk out of my house and immediately see three or four people, one talking on the phone, one walking her dog and another walking toward her house.
I'm thinking, it's 2:30. And I see just as many people as if it were noon.
I start my walk towards Highland and people are sitting on their porches, walking to cars, a few were taking their dogs for walks also. Cars were driving up and down the street.
I started laughing to myself. Again, it's the middle of the night and if you didn't know it, you would think it was noon.
That's when I know my nocturnal self is living in the right neighborhood......

A few other observations about places like Upper St. Clair:
They have signs on the streets saying you're not allowed to park on the street from 2AM until 7AM.
You have to have a certain kind of mailbox.
So I'm thinking, yeah, beat the shit out of you wife, just make sure you're car is in the garage by 2AM and you're door and mailbox are the right color.
The biggest thing, NO STREETLIGHTS? Why? Why are there no streetlights in the suburbs? Christ, you can't even see the car you have to move by 2AM. The streets are pitch black.
Reminds me of a story about my Grandmother.
My uncle was the first of our family to move to the North Hills from Lawrenceville. When they took my Grandmother out to see it for the first time, getting out of the car, her first remark was "Why would anyone want to live way out here? They can't even afford streetlights or sidewalks"
My Hero.

I thought up what I'm going to call the end of this post when I mention little things that pissed me off, but not enough for a whole post. For the lack of a more creative title:

Things That burn me up:
1.)Don't want to beat a dead horse but, Bruegger's. I ordered one egg and cheese bagel, and one Cinnamon raisin. She told me it would take a minute for the egg to cook. I said fine. She cut the two bagels, put cream cheese on mine, put the cheese on the egg and cheese bagel, AND THEN prepared the egg to be cooked and added to the sandwich.
Why didn't she start cooking the egg and while that was cooking, well, you get the idea.
2.)People that take their Christmas decorations down the day after Christmas, and there is no evidence that Christmas was the day before, it could have just a well been six months ago.

Things that didn't piss me off:
Hillary coming in third at the Iowa Caucus (whatever a Caucus is).
And Barb is coming to AMG this week. Back for a day from her "Life in the Four Letter State", She gets to pick were we are going Thursday, I'll keep AMG girls informed.

Late Edition of things that Burn Me Up:
OK, Just got back from wandering around aimlessly for an hour or so in Giant Eagle.
Just couldn't decide what to buy. First I was going to make wedding soup, but couldn't remember all the ingredients, so switched to a few things before settling on Chicken Noodle Soup.
But here are a few things that burned me up while I'll was there:
First, what the fuck is meatless meatballs? If they don't have meat in them then they aren't meatballs. I actually saw this "ORGANIC MEATLESS MEATBALLS". Know what someone should do? Switch contents with actual meatballs. Watch the "Artsy-fartsy freaks say how wonderful they taste and how better they feel by not eating meat. Get on you bikes and please go away....
Second. The cover of Marie Claire in the magazine section. Christine Arugula or whatever the hell her name is, from Wexford (Out-a-State) with her naked, pregnant ass on the front cover.
No one want to see her naked,fat-ass stomach slapped on the front of a magazine. If that were so, my fat ass stomach would be all over the place.
I'm not even going to get into the Valentines shit all over the store. UGHHHHHHH.

Or is it just me????

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