I'm Baaack.................

Geeze, thank God I didn't meet a rich handsome senator who swept me off my feet, wanted to marry me and give me all his money if I stayed in DC. You guys would certainly be in trouble now, wouldn't you? What would one do on a Thursday night without the mayor? I know, I am giving myself way too much credit here, but please girls, humor me, I don't ask for much.
One thing is certain, productivity and attendance on Friday's would certainly go up in all of your work places. Don't you think?

I had a great time in "Our Nation's Capital". I truly love it there and wonder why I left. Oh yeah, I met my Prince Charming while in Pittsburgh over the New Years' holiday in 1983. He swept me off my feet and in a few shorts months, I went from living the single, fun life in DC, to a married housewife in Pittsburgh. I gave up my promising career as an analyst in the Civil Rights Div of the FBI to chase kids around the block for the next twenty- some years. Then he goes and drops dead on me, not that I'm bitter or anything.

I love writing these blog posts because when I type in the first few words, I never know where I'm heading.I just babble and you guys have to listen. Sorry. Not that anyone pays much attention anyhow. I have my own captive audience, or so I like to think.

But anyways, DC was fun. The first cousin and I drove down Thursday night. Friday, we went to the spy museum. Right up my alley. Then we went to lunch at the rooftop of the Washington Hotel. If you guys are ever in DC, on a nice night, go there. Its DC's best kept secret. It's on 15th and Pennsylvania and has a spectacular view of the whole city.
Friday night we went to my nieces restaurant and had a spectacular dinner. Still can't get over DC prices though.
Saturday I had to work all day, which was a bummer, because the weather was absolutely beautiful. But went to Old Town on Saturday night for dinner which was nice.
Went home for early bedtime because we were leaving early in the am. Was in a sound sleep when the police came to the door. Which brings me to another funny story.
I stayed at my nieces home in a transitional neighborhood (Don't know why Mrs. Pussy Kats thought my using that word was funny)
She has a beautiful home in Columbia Heights.
The house has an alarm system (Which all of you know, is not my thing)
She gave me the code and told me how to deactivate it when I came back in the house.
So we go in the house and I suddenly remember, shit, the code. I dig through my purse, furiously looking for the 4 little numbers that I have exactly 45 seconds to punch in.
Digging,
Digging,
Digging,
Found it,
too late.
Piercing noise.
I put the the code in and the screeching finally stopped.
Go to bed.
Thinking I put out that fire.
Around 30 minutes later, I hear someone at the door.
I wake up and look down the steps. I see flash lights and am thinking, maybe that's Elisabeth, she must have a light on her key chain.
Then someone yells, is anyone home?
I go to the second floor window.
It's the police.
So first cousin and I head down the steps in our PJ's.
There are two uniformed DC police officers in the hallway.
Turns out that in all my haste to get to the alarm turned off. We went to bed and left the front door not only unlocked, but WIDE OPEN.
I am sure they had a good laugh back at the station. Two country bumkins from Pittsburgh sure to get murdered in the big city.
The officers asked for ID.
Being the smart ass that I was, couldn't resist thinking: "what do you think we are, the sleeping bandits,
we just go from house to house and sleep until the alarms go off and move onto the next one?
That was dumb, plus, what if there was an intruder in the house, 30 minutes later the police show up.
I guess that's why I don't have an alarm, just a ferocous guard dog named Smokey...............
That's that, I am back now and after fighting the flu all week I am ready for a night out tomorrow.
How about Silky's on Liberty Avenue. If it's nice out, we can
sit outside.
So there you have it, see you all tomorrow at Silky's, around 8.

No Anger Management This Thursday

This week I am headed to "Our Nation's Capital" so I will not be attending Anger Management on Thursday.
If one of the Deputy Mayors want to take over, feel free. But listen chicks, don't let the power go to your head. I am back in power the minute I return.
Did we decide on Friday that Mrs. Depp is Deputy Mayor instead of Through the Tubes? I sort of remember a conversation at Mel-Cum's birthday celebration about Through the Tubes and her unwillingness to go anywhere by herself. It does not constitute good leadership qualities.I could be wrong, but sorry Kath, you're out.(I have been known to remember things that didn't happen after quite a few jello shots, so correct me if I'm wrong.)
Anyway, I will be out of town, so don't talk about me when I am not here to defend myself..........
See you all next week.
QUE SERA SERA

Random Things That Make Me Angry

Do I really need to comment on the picture to your right. (Note: It's on my right.)

Don't have anything to talk about today. Can you believe it? My life is that boring. Figured I'd just mention a few thing that piss me off. Not that they will be news to anyone. I seem to make no secret of my distaste toward certain elements of the population. I am working on that, promise.

So that's the first thing I'm pissed off about. Being too judgemental. I'll work on that, ok, I said, I will work on that, geeze.

Next, this weather. Jesus Christ, (I can say that, Lent is over). I am so sick and tired of looking through my piles of winter clothes for something to wear. They are all wrinkled and stuff, then you have to iron something. By this time, I am another half hour late meeting Through the Tubes. So when the weather gets nice, I will no longer have an excuse to be late, ha, ha. Thank God for the hot flashes, they keep me warm.(the only thing keeping me warm these days)

Work. I am tired of working. I am ready to retire. Move into a condo big enough for one. (clue: kids gotta go.)

Housework. I am tired of cleaning up after people. (Again, kids gotta go)

Did I mention Kids?

Sorry to be so boring today girls, I have to get to work and don't have alot of time.

Tomorrow we are going to Sunnyledge (Fifth and Wilkins) for phase one of Mel-Cum's 60th Birthday celebration.(Think she's pissed off about that?)

Phase two is at her house on Friday.

See you all tomorrow around 8.

Perfect Spring Days

Not that I love showing my age or anything, but I have been out of college going on 30 years.
For 30 some years, it never fails. On the first perfect day of spring I still get the urge to drag my sofa out onto the front porch, buy a keg of beer.
blow off work and have a party in the middle of the afternoon.
Does anyone else get that feeling?
I usually spend a good part of the day on the phone calling my old college roommates.
They feel the same way.
We finally figured out why. Having gone to school in Erie. Perfect days were few and far between which made them so memorable. So when they happened, we took full advantage of it. (Not that we needed an excuse).
One of our patients is a professor at Pitt . She said only 8 students showed up for her class yesterday.
Aah, to be young and irresponsible again, if only for one perfect afternoon.
Hopefully I will still have this feeling when it's been 60 years.
What a great time.

Note: I guess its not a coincidence that my parents used to tell me that college was the most expensive good time I'll ever have. As you can see, it got me really far in life. Boy, were they right.

AFTERTHOUGHT: This also makes me nostalgic for the clothes (ie,Sizes)I was wearing at that time: Levi's, (28w-34L), Boys size Med Lacoste Shitrt, doc sides, and my roommate Cheerio's size 10 blue corduroy blazer. Christ, even my shoe size went up two sizes.

Anger Management Girls get all Touchy Feely

It a well known fact that I am open minded. Aren't I always open to new ideas to broaden our horizons? It's true, don't laugh, I hear it all the time. People are always saying to me, "Gee Eileen, you are the most non-judgemental, un-opinionated person I have ever met. Furthermore, we have never seen you get emotional about anything either."
I know, I know, you're all thinking, I wish Eileen would come out of her shell one of these days, and tell us how she really feels!!!!
Having said that, I am always looking for new ideas for us girls to do on Anger Management Night.A few of you have mentioned going to the "Conversation Cafe" at Tazza D'Oro in Highland Park one of these Thursdays.
http://tazzadoro.net/news/category/conversation-cafe/
I mentioned that I was willing to give it a try one of these weeks.
I was talking to Mrs. Pussy Kats last night telling her maybe we should go this coming Thursday.
The topic is intimacy.
Imagine my surprise when she actually laughed at me.
Here is the scenario she is envisioning:
A bunch of women are sitting around talking about intimacy (at least their version of it).
So far so good.
Then the conversation turns.
One of them mentions it's their mother's fault that they cannot be intimate with anyone.
Cue: Eileen starts rolling her eyes.
Then another one starts wining,
Again the eyes roll. This time with a pleeeeease added on.
Yeah lady, I think I remember reading somewhere that your mother was also responsible for killing JFK.
Before long, all the women turn into touchy, feely,sissy-la-la's, and I start having heart palpitations trying to keep my mouth shut.
But I manage somehow, because these women don't know me yet. I'll save the outbursts for another time.
I promise. I will, I really will.
I am turning over a new leaf. (again,no laughing...)
The session is finally over.
Everyone is relieved I kept my mouth shut.
At least till we get to the Mardi Gras.
We sit down at a table.
Order drinks.
Someone (Usually the person sitting on my right)says how nice the evening was.
And its then that I open my mouth.
And there is no turning back.
No one is safe.

Especially that poor person sitting on my right!

But I am going to prove Mrs. Pussy Katz wrong.
Never know girls, I might turn into a touchy feely, sissy la la.
Then you are all in trouble.
Because dear ladies, instead of blaming my poor mother (God rest her soul)for all my faults, it's going to be all of you guys fault.
When I am in therapy in 2020, I am going to be blaming the Anger Management Girls for everything going wrong in my life.
So there.

For those of you brave enough. We will meet at Mardi Gras around 6:15 to have a stiff drink before hand.(I am going to need one. That or a Valium)
Then we can head over around 6:45.
If you are afraid to go with me. This thing gets over at 9:00.
We will return to Mardi Gras. So you can just meet up with us there.
I promise I won't embarrass anyone.
I have been practicing:
It's all my mother's fault I like socially retarded men............
It's all my mother's fault I like socially retarded men.............
It's all my mother's fault I like socially retarded men.............

My name is "The Mayor, and I AM a Sissy La La