Monday, April 02, 2007

Anger Management Girls get all Touchy Feely

It a well known fact that I am open minded. Aren't I always open to new ideas to broaden our horizons? It's true, don't laugh, I hear it all the time. People are always saying to me, "Gee Eileen, you are the most non-judgemental, un-opinionated person I have ever met. Furthermore, we have never seen you get emotional about anything either."
I know, I know, you're all thinking, I wish Eileen would come out of her shell one of these days, and tell us how she really feels!!!!
Having said that, I am always looking for new ideas for us girls to do on Anger Management Night.A few of you have mentioned going to the "Conversation Cafe" at Tazza D'Oro in Highland Park one of these Thursdays.
I mentioned that I was willing to give it a try one of these weeks.
I was talking to Mrs. Pussy Kats last night telling her maybe we should go this coming Thursday.
The topic is intimacy.
Imagine my surprise when she actually laughed at me.
Here is the scenario she is envisioning:
A bunch of women are sitting around talking about intimacy (at least their version of it).
So far so good.
Then the conversation turns.
One of them mentions it's their mother's fault that they cannot be intimate with anyone.
Cue: Eileen starts rolling her eyes.
Then another one starts wining,
Again the eyes roll. This time with a pleeeeease added on.
Yeah lady, I think I remember reading somewhere that your mother was also responsible for killing JFK.

Before long, all the women turn into touchy, feely,sissy-la-la's, and I start having heart palpitations trying to keep my mouth shut.
But I manage somehow, because these women don't know me yet. I'll save the outbursts for another time.
I promise. I will, I really will.
I am turning over a new leaf. (again,no laughing...)
The session is finally over.
Everyone is relieved I kept my mouth shut.
At least till we get to the Mardi Gras.
We sit down at a table.
Order drinks.
Someone (Usually the person sitting on my right)says how nice the evening was.
And its then that I open my mouth.
And there is no turning back.
No one is safe.
Especially that poor person sitting on my right!

But I am going to prove Mrs. Pussy Katz wrong.
Never know girls, I might turn into a touchy feely, sissy la la.
Then you are all in trouble.
Because dear ladies, instead of blaming my poor mother (God rest her soul)for all my faults, it's going to be all of you guys fault.
When I am in therapy in 2020, I am going to be blaming the Anger Management Girls for everything going wrong in my life.
So there.

For those of you brave enough. We will meet at Mardi Gras around 6:15 to have a stiff drink before hand.(I am going to need one. That or a Valium)
Then we can head over around 6:45.
If you are afraid to go with me. This thing gets over at 9:00.
We will return to Mardi Gras. So you can just meet up with us there.
I promise I won't embarrass anyone.
I have been practicing:
It's all my mother's fault I like socially retarded men............
It's all my mother's fault I like socially retarded men.............
It's all my mother's fault I like socially retarded men.............
My name is "The Mayor, and I AM a Sissy La La


cupcakes said...

ohh i love those kind of conversations, however i don't think i'll make it early enough for a stiff one before hand, wow, there's a conversation starter..... but will try to make the tazzadoro, or at least mardi gras after 9 and you can fill me in. see you all soon, clueless or at least blameless, NOT!

Mrs Depp said...

If the topic is intimacy and once I get started heaven knows where that conversation will lead. I might share the time I asked Johnny to dress up like the Easter bunny and keep repeating "I am the Jewish Easter bunny" over and over.

Enough said.

Eileen, The Mayor, or Francine, depending on my mood and night of the week. said...

There's an image I can't seem to get out of my head.
Too funny.
Maybe PADANTIC DANTIC DAN can write a rap song about it.