Thursday, November 13, 2008

Crow's Feat!


From here on in you can just call me Tippi Hedren.
I am going OUT OF MY MIND.
I know, I know, before you all chime in and tell me that I didn't have a mind to begin with, I know.
Last week I was talking to a few people at the Gras when the subject of birds came up. We all noticed the presence of birds in the neighborhood. A lot of birds. Like thousands of birds.
Crows, exactly.
Well, now those thousands of crows moved in to my backyard.
I haven't slept in days. The sonofabitches keep squealing and doing whatever crows do ALL NIGHT LONG.
I am seriously going crazy. And now I think they are taunting me. Last night I was out in my yard banging my feet on my deck trying to scare them off. I was in my underwear, by the way. Yeah, I thought that alone would scare them. That's when they started taunting me! Assholes.

So first thing this morning I look up how to get rid of crows on the Internet. Didn't find much in the way of help, but I did find a bunch of comments from people who apparently have never been kept up all night by crows.
I will share a few of them here with you all.
Here's one from George.

"on 7/20/2008 Karen, I applaud your advocacy of nonlethal methods of dealing with "nuisance wildlife". Too many people share the attitude of our friend "Cops....247." Wildlife is getting crowded out of existence because there are too many people. Frankly it's unfortunate that the "nuisance people" in this world can't be shot and tied to poles. (Just kidding, sort of.)"
-George

George, let me tell ya, you will be the first human I tie on a pole.

Here's one from Regan:

"Birds also have a right to live in the world as we have. Just because we have occupied every available piece of land we can not drive them out."

Regan, I presume you are Regan from Exorcist fame? They have no right to be in my back yard, just like you have no right to be in my back yard at 4:00AM.

Bla, bla bla........So there you have it. I did not find a way to get rid of the crows. But I came up with a solution of my own. I am going to set off firecrackers every couple of minutes tomorrow night. In Shadyside. Should go over big with the neighbors. Although, I suspect I'll be a hero once they know why I did it.
Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Please have bail money ready and accept collect calls from prison.
Thank you.

8 comments:

Ms. B. said...

Are you a AAA (Triple A as some folks write it) member?

I always found solice that you get a bail bondsman card with your membership. Sometimes just knowing you have that makes life a little smoother.
Happy Trails!
Ruth

Anonymous said...

So glad to see you've gotten off the palin horse...i was afraid i might have to use the Mike Bair approach..."it's over, why are we still talking about it?!"...as for the crows why not round up an out of work campaigner and stick a pole...in your backyard on which he/she can perch on and scare the crows away?

Judi said...

It's God's will that they are in your backyard, ya know. Or else...Sarah Palin sent them as a reminder that she can and she will keep YOU up all night! So, I say....fire away!!!

If you get one call....call Angela.
She likes drama....
Judi

Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

The Palin horse? I have an idea, how about I use Palin as the scare crow that she is? They have the same size brain. (sorry scare crow)
She can talk, talk, talk until the poor crows just fly away to shut her up.
Geeze, I should have thought of that before.
As for it being over, when a loser of an election gives a sort of victory lap for weeks after the election, the press just eats that stuff up. (while making herself a laughing stalk to everyone, at least the people I know are laughing)
Keep talking Sarah, I'm looking smarter every day............... and that's not saying much. Gota love it.

Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

One more thing, I'll stop the Palin horse when this idiot(along with W and the rest of the Republicans idiots) gets on her sled and heads back to Alaska and then maybe she can try to get a litle contol of her family, maybe spend some time with one of those 5 kids. Lord knows, they need someone to watch over them. Whoever's doing it now isn't doing such a good job.Who knows, maybe one of them will get a HS diploma. (Probably the special needs one)
If you don't want to read about Winky, there is an X on the top right of your computer screen. Use it.

Anonymous said...

I think you have the "Oz" story a little backwards. The difference between Sarah and the Scarecrow is that the scarecrow WANTED a brain.

Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

HA!

Anonymous said...

Last year the Frick had a problem with crows. There were thousands and they couldn't get rid of them They would go from the Frick Mansion to Frick Park every day, back and forth Finally the Frick put out lights on the trees and aluminum pans to make noise and light to get rid of the birds They had people there for weeks trying to get rid of the crows. I don't know how they did it but the crow don't congregate here anymore We now have a few hawks. Put out pans turn on all the lights light those yard candles

ski