From here on in you can just call me Tippi Hedren.
I am going OUT OF MY MIND.
I know, I know, before you all chime in and tell me that I didn't have a mind to begin with, I know.
Last week I was talking to a few people at the Gras when the subject of birds came up. We all noticed the presence of birds in the neighborhood. A lot of birds. Like thousands of birds.
Well, now those thousands of crows moved in to my backyard.
I haven't slept in days. The sonofabitches keep squealing and doing whatever crows do ALL NIGHT LONG.
I am seriously going crazy. And now I think they are taunting me. Last night I was out in my yard banging my feet on my deck trying to scare them off. I was in my underwear, by the way. Yeah, I thought that alone would scare them. That's when they started taunting me! Assholes.
So first thing this morning I look up how to get rid of crows on the Internet. Didn't find much in the way of help, but I did find a bunch of comments from people who apparently have never been kept up all night by crows.
I will share a few of them here with you all.
Here's one from George.
"on 7/20/2008 Karen, I applaud your advocacy of nonlethal methods of dealing with "nuisance wildlife". Too many people share the attitude of our friend "Cops....247." Wildlife is getting crowded out of existence because there are too many people. Frankly it's unfortunate that the "nuisance people" in this world can't be shot and tied to poles. (Just kidding, sort of.)"
George, let me tell ya, you will be the first human I tie on a pole.
Here's one from Regan:
"Birds also have a right to live in the world as we have. Just because we have occupied every available piece of land we can not drive them out."
Regan, I presume you are Regan from Exorcist fame? They have no right to be in my back yard, just like you have no right to be in my back yard at 4:00AM.
Bla, bla bla........So there you have it. I did not find a way to get rid of the crows. But I came up with a solution of my own. I am going to set off firecrackers every couple of minutes tomorrow night. In Shadyside. Should go over big with the neighbors. Although, I suspect I'll be a hero once they know why I did it.
Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Please have bail money ready and accept collect calls from prison.