Friday, February 08, 2008

My Life Is Now Officially a Car Wreck.

Two things, no, actually three things happened to me these past few days that I wanted to write about while still fresh in my mind.
I was in an accident yesterday and wrecked my car(again) . I can't win for loosing, as my mother would say when things got bad. Never did know what she meant by that. But when things were really, rally bad that's what she'd say. I just called "The Madonna" to see if she could provide insight into the phrase. She just did the perfect imitation, assured me my words were right, and didn't have a clue where she got it from. Again, probably a line from some old movie.
I know, I know, I write just like I tell stories, jumping from one to the other.
Anyway, I was headed to town yesterday to court for the creep who burglarized my house. (second story, will follow)
Was right in front of the courthouse trying to get into the right lane. Turned to make sure there weren't any cars coming. I saw a huge semi in the right lane. So I turned for a second look to make sure I could sneak in front of the semi, decided I could so started to get into right lane. Well, the cars in front of me came to a dead stop as my head was turned for what was a millisecond.
Yeah, I plowed into a brand new car that didn't even have it's permanent license plate on it yet. Never one to do things half-assed. Pushed the brand new car into another car. Had to make sure the thing was totaled front and back.
I look over to my left and about 10 county sheriff's cars were in a line. They all get out and hand me their cards. I'm guessing my actions had them a little worried. I looked like I was ready to have either a heart attack or a nervous breakdown.
But the best part of the whole thing. I finally made the traffic report!
To think, some people go through their whole driving career never to make KDKA traffic report.
I have only been driving little under 4 years. To think they were talking about me when they said "Steer clear of Ross street this hour,three car pile-up blocking traffic in front of court house"
Some people have all the luck!
As I mentioned earlier, I was on my way to attend a hearing for the little jerk who burglarized my house last March. This is my third trip to the courthouse for this. I think he's hoping I won't show up and they will have do drop charges.
He wanted a different public defender. From what I gathered in the hall doing what I do best, eavesdropping, she was yelling at him to get rid of the attitude because the judge is already pissed off, and it wasn't in his best intrest to piss him off more. She wanted him to plead, he wouldn't, so he fired her and now he wants a jury trial.
Can you believe it, a jury trial for Christ sake.
All for $1,200. No wonder the county is broke. This is the third time he's wasted county employee's time. Typical hurry up and wait of the court system.
So now the little bastard gets a jury trial, which we all pay for that will cost way more than the amount of the crime. But it's just not in me to let him go. He walked into my house and took what he wanted.
As Johnny said in Dirty Dancing, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner".
This creep can Kiss my Irish Ass if he thinks he's getting away with this.

On to my third thing I wanted to tell about.
My co-worker Suzie is having a baby next week. Thursday was her last day of work. I wanted to buy her a crib metal for the baby so I stopped in the Catholic store in Bloomfield.
While in there I also bought little holy water bottles. When I was in Rome I got a water bottle filled with holy water from St. Peters. I am so afraid one of my kids are going to drink it or water my plants with it(ya know,my whole luck thing). So I wanted to buy little bottles to separate the water to give to people and also to have it marked "holy water" so no one drinks it.
I start telling the nuns why I wanted the bottles, and then one thing led to another and I told them the whole "Pope" story, and the story of me going to confession in St. Peters, blah, blah, blah, you all know the stories.
So the one nun says to the other "Doesn't she remind you of Sister Mary Magaret?" And the other says, "I was thinking the same thing" So they proceed to tell me how much I remind them of this nun.
Then (this is the good part) they asked me if I ever considered entering a Religious Order?
I'm like, what?
They asked again.
I bust out laughing, and said, "Oh my, they wouldn't want me"
They laughed and said "That's exactly what Sister Mary Margaret said and she's a wonderful nun."
I said "Sisters, you don't understand, I am not a nice person."
They said how wonderful they thought I was, and I said again, "No, you really have it wrong, I am actually really, really mean. (OK, I didn't actually want to say Bitch)and not nice at all.
They assured me I was a wonderful person and should consider it.
I thanked them and walked to my car and had a good laugh.
This got me thinking, how does one become a nun later in life so I just looked is up.
God know's I've had enough experience dressing like one as seen in past posts.

Here's what they say:

To become a nun, one must be Catholic, female, unmarried, and sane.
So we're 3 out of 4 one that one, move on.

Women who are not virgins can become a nun.
Whew!!! Was worried about that one.

A widowed woman may become a nun. Generally a nun must have raised any children under eighteen prior to taking vows, since these vows would supersede the care of her own children.
This is a big selling point people, when kids get on my last nerve---So sorry guys, vow's trump you, see ya later.........

Women who are interested in becoming a nun are encouraged to try living in a convent for some time.
Can do.

When a woman decides after contemplation to pursue sisterhood, she may spend one to two years in a convent as a novice.
They have cleaning ladies and cooks, don't they? As long as I'm not assigned as the nun to make the beds.

After fulfilling her term as a novice, the woman can then take temporary vows of chastity and poverty.
This is the deal breaker.
I've already dealt with the poverty thing and never want to go there again, and as for the chastity things, what, no more "booty calls"? I don't think so...........

All things considered, I think I'll pass on the nun thing. Spending my childhood dressed as one is enough for me.
Maybe I can find a man that fantasizes about woman who dress like nuns.
Think so? I've found every other wierdo out there.


Mrs Depp said...

I am glad for two things today:

1)You did not get hurt in the car accident.
2) You didn't decide to run off and join the convent no matter how attractive it might have seemed at the time.

Jasmine said...

The elaboration "You can't win for losing," with its play on logic, was around in the 1960s. It means that losing keeps you from winning; you can't win because things keep going wrong. People would say it when something unexpected or a bit of bad luck spoiled their plans.

Actually, the word 'for' may be taken out of context here. It is not used as in "the flower was for her." For also means, because of or as a result of. i.e. "He could not think for jeaslousy." Which would translate "you cannot win as a result of losing."

Glad you weren't hurt.

Eileen, The Mayor, or Francine, depending on my mood and night of the week. said...

Thanks to the south for clearing that up.
Any chance you girls making ut up here for the "High Holidays?"